Birthday job 20190228

Auroville’s birthday today and started the day watching the bonfire on the internet on my tablet.  Later had an intense conversation with two volunteers about being in Buddha Garden.  One of them wants some responsibility and I have some ideas about what she could do as she is very competent.

Did my ‘birthday job’ which was to renew the cement ring gardens just outside my door.  Weeded, cleared and planted. Which is what the picture shows. 

Yet another upset with the Farm Group although I told myself there’s no point wasting the energy.  I have asked the universe whether Buddha Garden/Auroville is still my place.

Clearing out 20190227

I spoke to a volunteer today who asked me about my work.  She said to be careful that I don’t rush through the things I enjoy doing so that I have enough time to get the things I don’t enjoy doing get done.  Which of course is exactly what I am doing.  I think its part of my ‘must do’ mentality – I have to finish all the things I ‘must do’ before I can do the things that I ‘enjoy’.  Also of course, anything creative isn’t ‘real work’.

Oh the wisdom of youth!  At least I know what has got to be changed.

I continued clearing out today and I am continuing to feel better….the picture is of a bed just outside my door.  One of four outside my house that I am going to clear out tomorrow, Auroville’s birthday.

A bit more relaxed 20190226

Feel I have had more time today and really enjoyed clearing out stuff (mostly paper) in my room this afternoon.  Perhaps that’s what I need to do to feel better – clear stuff out to make space for the new….

I like the picture I took this morning of bassella seeds. I’ve called it ‘seeds for the future’ because they will have to dry out before they are ready to plant.

Didn’t manage to do yoga this evening. 

Yoga 20190225

Stomach very sore and upset this morning but it doesn’t feel as if I have a bug or anything.  Some cups of simarouba tea seem to have calmed things down a lot.  I actually managed to get myself to do some yoga this evening.  So perhaps things are improving a little.

Didn’t have a school session this afternoon so had a more relaxed day.  Have started on the Udavi school video and provided I don’t feel too pressured I’m going to enjoy doing it.  At the moment I am trying to find a better way to organize all the different clips.  I have to put them into categories otherwise its too overwhelming.

Decided to sell my old video camera and this is the picture I took to put it up on AVNet.

Shopping! 20190223

Miraculously I managed to get the video finished by lunch time.  Which meant I felt really good about going out with Rajan and Sangeeta to Pondy this afternoon.  Went to the most enormous shop I think I have every visited.  On the first three floors it was clothes and material and then there was a very crowded supermarket on the top!  Got the glass jars we came to get (for the sprout making) as well as other odds and ends.

Very glad to get back to the relative peace of my room.  Have felt very up and down with waves of depression engulfing me every now and then. 

Like me 20190224

I just happened to come across this piece of wood as I was walking around Buddha Garden this morning.  Its like me; old a bit brittle but an interesting shape.  

Although not pushed out of shape like I feel.  Just the shape its evolved into.

Should I run away? 20190222

I took this picture yesterday of the kolam that Sivakala made for the Mother’s birthday.  Needless to say we were too busy for me to go to the early morning meditation yesterday morning.

Very busy day again.  I don’t feel things resolving and wondering if I should go away somewhere.  But where?  I don’t want to spend the money to do that and I can’t think of anywhere free I could go.