Sunset over the ponds

With gratitude for all I have received in this last year.

We in Buddha Garden

Pierre and I had a session together with Jo.  It was really amazing and gave us both an insight into what is going on between us.  At the end she did a reading to see what the universe thought about the situation.  Pierre got ‘the fool’ and I got ‘the wheel of fortune’. It really is spot on – me turning the wheel and taking care of things, Pierre jumping into whatever is his latest adventure. 

This is the picture I created to express this.  I feel this insight has changed things between us for the better.

At peace

Kim’s brother is leaving India tomorrow.  I spoke to him today and he told me that he feels he understands a lot more about what happened to Kim and why she died.  He is going to pass all that on to her daughter.

I felt very strongly that Kim is now at peace and I feel more peaceful about her death.  Buddha Garden was, I think, a place that had given her many positive things and which she may even have come to love. 

New

This is a wall transfer that Emma sent me for Christmas.  I really enjoyed putting it up yesterday.

I feel it symbolises the start of a new cycle.  My treatment starts today.  Vivek’s eyes are better and he will be back soon.

I will do my best

This is what I realised today…..

I will do my best to nurture and protect the very special energy of Buddha Garden.  I will do whatever is necessary to achieve this with awareness and love.

I realise that whether Buddha Garden continues to grow or ceases to exist is not, in the end, up to me.

Good news

At last I found time to go and get my hair cut.  About time as it was driving me crazy getting in my eyes and making them itch. We decided I had left it too long, probably because of the rain.

Good news that my test came back that everything is OK.  Now I can start treatment for the prolapse that will take about two weeks.

Christmas day!

This morning we spent time in the stone circle making this mandala.  And planting trees in memory of Kim.  Her brother, who came from China, was with us.

It was a very peaceful day.  I couldn’t help remembering how bad I felt last year.  And feeling more than ever that I had somehow tapped in to how Kim was feeling. Both her brother and I feel that she has achieved some peace now.

Taming the jungle

Did an amazing morning’s work this morning getting rid of the jungle that Le Jardin orchard had become after all that rain.  This picture shows a corner of the finished work with the grass and glyricidea cut and the trees mulched.

Wasn’t so pleased this afternoon when the electricity went off unexpectedly just as I was in the middle of doing online work.  Someone had let a worker use a welding machine!  Anyone with half a brain cell knows that welding takes a lot of power and that the solar system probably wouldn’t have enough power.  It really screwed up what I was doing.  It feels very difficult to get anything done at the moment.

Feeling defeated

Feeling really defeated after another difficult conversation. I feel that the person I work with doesn’t share my vision.  Which wouldn’t matter if he was willing to go and manifest his own vision somewhere else.  But he seems to think that Buddha Garden should change.

I feel I have lost confidence in myself and my ability to attract people who share my vision. But maybe this vision isn’t appropriate any more in the present reality.

Yet we created a new garden in the Visitors Centre.

Christmas balloon

Very happy to hear from several people that various presents have arrived safely.  I love this picture of Sam with his balloon which apparently he really loves.  It seems that the weight came off the string at one point and the balloon got stuck on the ceiling.  They had to wait until Tom came back to rescue it as Emma wasn’t tall enough to get it.

The Pryog orchard started today with the putting up of the information boards.  It felt a wonderful thing to happen at this time of the Solstice.

A very challenging day

Rajan didn’t come to work today because of problems at home.  Fortunately there was someone to help with the watering otherwise I don’t know how I would have managed. People turned up for a tour of the farm and it would have been almost impossible to do the two things together.

Then this afternoon two people turned up just as I was going to ballet class.  So I had to miss it and was very upset.  I feel I really need these classes if I am to deal with the challenges of living and working here.

I took this picture first thing this morning.  I loved the sparkle on the string from the rising sun.

Passage to India

This is a picture that an artist friend of mine sent to me today.  He has been diagnosed with cancer and is going into hospital tomorrow.  Despite that I feel that he has tapped into colours which are full of hope. 

Have been very busy again doing spring cleaning and trying to keep up with all the work.  There are yet more posters that need to be done.  Have also had a difficult conversation to deal with.

Once again I have to remind myself that its where I am meant to be!  Sometimes I just want to run away.

Another job

Again I am finding it difficult to find time to do everything that needs doing.  And today we got another job to add to the list, although I am very pleased about it.

There is an area of the Visitors Centre where they used to have a vegetable garden.  I saw the person in charge today and she said we can plant it this year.  It will be a wonderful focus for all the information we have about Buddha Garden.

But of course it is one more job to do.

Beautiful place

This is a picture of a bench we made in a corner of the Pryog orchard this morning. It is a beautiful place to just sit and look at the trees. This morning I saw a humming bird.

This afternoon I had an acupuncture session and feel very good if a bit hot.

Why?

I made this picture very quickly in the few minutes I had spare before I went to see a friend.  I didn’t think as I did it but it does express very well how I see my situation here.  Why is it like this?

I see that to deal with this situation creatively I must not push it away.  In fact I have to embrace it and find ways to manage the energy of it.  Which means looking after myself.

Saw the doctor to get a test done.  Things are looking positive about the treatment.  Provided the test is OK then I can have treatment that doesn’t involve and operation and see how that works.  It should clear up a lot of my symptoms.

Moving forward?

The picture is one of twelve posters I made today for the new Pryog orchard.  I am so pleased I have finished them.  Hopefully they will be ready to put up by the weekend.

I am pleased how everything is coming together but at the same time I feel I am left to deal with everything on my own.  This morning Vivek has had to go to Delhi to see his brother who is very sick. Pierre thinks that the problems we had are all in my head and he only seems interested in doing anything connected with ‘his’ part of the land. A few days ago Rajan needed time off because his son had a fever and they had to go to the hospital.

I am seeing the doctor tomorrow for tests.  I hope they don’t show anything that means I have got to leave Buddha Garden as well…..

Sooooooo busy

Have been on the go all day first with a meeting in the morning and then a presentation in the afternoon.  I wrote up the notes to the morning meeting.  Then had to concentrate and interact a lot with the people in the presentation – although Jeff and Vivek did the actual narrative.  I don’t feel I have had hardly a minute to myself.

My bladder has not been feeling good today.  I can’t help but feel because I got pissed off at the morning meeting! I feel so out of tune with so many of the people there.  Yet there are some very exciting things starting to happen in Buddha Garden. The picture is of some amla that are nearly ready for picking and reminds me why I do choose this life.  To grow food and myself.

My heart

I’ve wanted this picture of a Ramphal for a while as I need it for the seasonal food poster I am making.  So I was really pleased to see this growing in the Pryog orchard when we worked there this morning.

I just love its heart shape and its juiciness.  Which is not the juiciness of the fruit but the juiciness of love. 

Ups and downs

I had a lot of work that I needed to do today.  As next week is going to be very busy and I don’t think I will have too much time to sit in front of my computer.  A lot of work has involved creating posters to re-do the notice board and put around the farm.  This picture is of the poster that gave me the most trouble.  I half did it and then lost the file….. I have also had technical difficulties with my camera that didn’t work for a lot of the day.

One good thing was that I found a whole file of information to put on posters around the farm.  That will save me having to write it all again.  

Feeling better

After a very powerful acupuncture session yesterday I feel much better.  My bladder and everything feels much improved.

This picture of the sun dappling the grass seems to express that.   The day was well rounded off with a lovely evening out with Jeff and Vivek.

Sun and blue skies

Suddenly there was sun and blue skies today.  Everything feels transformed, including me.  In terms of days (ten or so) it was a short time with the heavy rain and flooding.  Yet it felt so difficult and as if it would never end. 

It has ended although it doesn’t feel that the season has quite changed.

Custard apples

Today has been a very busy day when I didn’t get to my computer until 4.00pm.  The rest of the time I was talking to people and running around to various parts of Auroville. I took this picture for a poster about eating seasonal food.  Its going to be part of a presentation to the community about farming which has been taking up a lot of my time.

I finally went to see a doctor about my health issues and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I feel I can communicate with him and that he will listen.  An operation was discussed but I can start off with more conservative treatment and see how that 

One shoe off and one shoe on

I dreamed last night of walking through a productive forest with one shoe off and one shoe on.  When I went out to work this morning I suddenly realised I was missing a shoe.  The one on the left foot, just as in the dream.

After that dream I woke up feeling rested and better in my body than I have for some time.  I think the dream was telling me about my connection with the earth and how important that is to me.

Clearing and creating

This picture shows the side of the Pryog orchard.  It has been turned from a jungle into a beautifully cleared area between it and Le Jardin.  Part of the clearing up and creating of a new orchard.

Has been a very up and down day.  I am finding the mud rather tiresome. My ailments seem to be upsetting me more than usual – although the ballet class really helped with that. I got upset with someone I work with when really I should be able to deal with that now.

Despite all that I managed to overcome my negative feelings about seeing a doctor. I made an appointment for Wednesday afternoon. I feel quite positive that there will be a solution to my physical problems. 

Flowers

Rajan brought me this twig from one of our trees a few days ago.  It had one open flower but now there are more.  They are really beautiful and I would love to know the name of the tree. Then I can work out the meaning of the flower.

It was surprisingly difficult to photograph. They move in the slightest breeze and it was difficult to get a picture that showed both the shape, colour and bud.  I have much more appreciation now of those that take good photos of flowers!

Big puddle

As this picture shows, the end isn’t in sight just yet.  This is the huge puddle across the road into Buddha Garden through Siddhartha farm.

According to the weather maps rainy weather is going to be hanging around for quite a few more days.  At least it’s a bit brighter now and we do have a little bit of sun. And the rain comes in showers rather than all the time.  It is still very soggy though.

Sun on the puddles

This morning we had a few minutes of sun.  We all went giddy with delight!

Have had some heavy showers so still extremely wet and soggy.  Also saw some very small patches of blue sky this afternoon.

Perhaps the end is in sight…..

Mud glorious mud

It stopped raining last night and the silence was deafening! This morning we were able to get out and work in the new Pryog orchard.  Very pleased with what we achieved. 

This afternoon it rained again……. It is hard to remember that this has been going on for only three days.  My whole universe seems to have shrunk.  All I seem to think about is how to get through the next rainy day.

More rain

Another day of almost continuous rain.  There is severe flooding in parts of Tamil Nadu and especially Chennai.  The airport was closed for a time. While there is quite a lot of flooding in Buddha Garden, it does ease a bit when the rain falls less heavily.

Went to a meeting on the back of Vivek’s bike. Felt even more battered by the rain than when I am cycling.  At least when I am cycling I keep warm.

Rain

I took this picture first thing in the morning when it was very dim and the entrance to Buddha Garden was flooded.  It has rained all day with only very short breaks.  The water receded during the day but it is still raining as I write this in the evening.  I cannot imagine where all the water is going to go.

I feel very soggy.  This weather seems to be exacerbating my bladder problems.

Cycling through the rain

Today I had to cycle through the rain to get home after my ballet class.  I hope it doesn’t make all my various ailments worse.  Didn't manage to do a picture.

So far everything seems OK.