Volunteers

This evening I have had a lovely conversation with a volunteer who is leaving very early tomorrow and wanted to talk to me before she went. She told me how much she had enjoyed being in Buddha Garden and how much she had learnt, not just about organic farming, but about herself and her relationships with others.

After another difficult and tiring day it was very uplifting. I don't have the energy to create a picture so I am using a picture of volunteers that I took this morning for our Facebook page. Its wonderful how a group of volunteers have almost finished fencing lettuce land with Pierre.

Special morning light

Today was the first time we had that very special light that you get in the mornings this time of year. This is a picture to celebrate it.

I am still trying to find the best way to get rid of Kim's stuff and am finding myself once again having to deal with other peoples' fears about dark energies and how they have to be dissipated. One way or another I am determined to clear the house in the next few days so that we can start the building work there.

Still tired

Despite still feeling tired I managed to get a lot of catch up work completed. Trouble is I had no inspiration for a picture and felt too tired even to do some embroidery.

Fortunately Claudia, a volunteer, came in with her photos, which as she is a properly trained photographer, were very good. So I've used a good one that she took of Kim in the week before she died.

Soooooooooooooo tired

I went to my yoga class yesterday and as a result I feel very tired today. I think the yoga is keeping me in touch with my body and how I feel and I am responding to that rather than keeping myself together to do all the 'must do's' in the practical world.

I have been doing some embroidery to soothe myself. This is the start of the piece 'return of the sun' which I really felt this morning which was misty to start off with. I have been trying to think how I might embroider mist......

Someone turned up today to talk about how we can purify the cottage. He said it was quite unnecessary to burn a lot of stuff and that it can be done in other ways. I felt he was somehow sent to me to help me through this period when I am dealing with different ideas about how the purification process can be carried out.

Work fortunately

Thank goodness for work! Even although things are very intense with all the volunteers I feel much better when I am doing something like weeding or planting. Pierre is taking over a piece of land in Siddharta farm next door on which he will grow more lettuce. He has got two loads of goat dung for compost – we are running out of compost in Buddha Garden – and this morning started making the fence. He is making it out of the stalks of palmyra leaves which are just lying around in Siddartha farm and using wood from trees in Buddha Garden for the poles. The volunteers helping him this morning worked on after breakfast and made a large number of fence panels, as you can see from the picture.

Mandala

I began this day by making this mandala for Kim in the middle of the stone circle that we cleaned and cleared up yesterday. The idea was that anyone who wanted to could go and light a candle, but probably not many people got the chance to do so because it rained quite heavily later in the morning.

I spent most of the rest of the morning cleaning and clearing up in Kim's old room which included the uggy bits where the body had leaked. I used bleach and found the smell very comforting as when I was nurse the smell of bleach indicated that something had been properly cleaned! The room felt a lot better once I had done that and then cleared up all the stuff into bags. I found a huge amount of cigarette packets and butts which means that she was smoking much more than she was admitting to me. There were also several booze bottles.

Unfortunately Pierre and I are arguing about what should happen next. He wants to break down the house, but I have told him he can only do it if he can provide the Rs8 – 10 laks it will take to build another dwelling. Failing that he wants to burn all her possessions which includes all the bedding and quite a lot of plastic as well as all her books. I would have more sympathy if she had died on the bed, but she didn't and it seems such a polluting and unnecessary thing to do. Now he is talking to people who are writing to me and telling me that I really have to do this. I think that it is pointless to try and brush away the darkness and although there may be a few things that need burning, the most important thing to do is to bring light to the place to dispel the darkness. I think we could do that by remodelling the place so that it would attract more people.

We have argued a lot and I cannot see a way to resolve it amicably as Pierre is very adamant about what needs to happen. I feel too tired to have to deal with this at the moment.

Feeling flattened

I feel as if a steam roller has run over me.

Yet I also feel ready to get up and totter on.