Birthday job 20190228

Auroville’s birthday today and started the day watching the bonfire on the internet on my tablet.  Later had an intense conversation with two volunteers about being in Buddha Garden.  One of them wants some responsibility and I have some ideas about what she could do as she is very competent.

Did my ‘birthday job’ which was to renew the cement ring gardens just outside my door.  Weeded, cleared and planted. Which is what the picture shows. 

Yet another upset with the Farm Group although I told myself there’s no point wasting the energy.  I have asked the universe whether Buddha Garden/Auroville is still my place.

Clearing out 20190227

I spoke to a volunteer today who asked me about my work.  She said to be careful that I don’t rush through the things I enjoy doing so that I have enough time to get the things I don’t enjoy doing get done.  Which of course is exactly what I am doing.  I think its part of my ‘must do’ mentality – I have to finish all the things I ‘must do’ before I can do the things that I ‘enjoy’.  Also of course, anything creative isn’t ‘real work’.

Oh the wisdom of youth!  At least I know what has got to be changed.

I continued clearing out today and I am continuing to feel better….the picture is of a bed just outside my door.  One of four outside my house that I am going to clear out tomorrow, Auroville’s birthday.

A bit more relaxed 20190226

Feel I have had more time today and really enjoyed clearing out stuff (mostly paper) in my room this afternoon.  Perhaps that’s what I need to do to feel better – clear stuff out to make space for the new….

I like the picture I took this morning of bassella seeds. I’ve called it ‘seeds for the future’ because they will have to dry out before they are ready to plant.

Didn’t manage to do yoga this evening. 

Yoga 20190225

Stomach very sore and upset this morning but it doesn’t feel as if I have a bug or anything.  Some cups of simarouba tea seem to have calmed things down a lot.  I actually managed to get myself to do some yoga this evening.  So perhaps things are improving a little.

Didn’t have a school session this afternoon so had a more relaxed day.  Have started on the Udavi school video and provided I don’t feel too pressured I’m going to enjoy doing it.  At the moment I am trying to find a better way to organize all the different clips.  I have to put them into categories otherwise its too overwhelming.

Decided to sell my old video camera and this is the picture I took to put it up on AVNet.

Shopping! 20190223

Miraculously I managed to get the video finished by lunch time.  Which meant I felt really good about going out with Rajan and Sangeeta to Pondy this afternoon.  Went to the most enormous shop I think I have every visited.  On the first three floors it was clothes and material and then there was a very crowded supermarket on the top!  Got the glass jars we came to get (for the sprout making) as well as other odds and ends.

Very glad to get back to the relative peace of my room.  Have felt very up and down with waves of depression engulfing me every now and then. 

Like me 20190224

I just happened to come across this piece of wood as I was walking around Buddha Garden this morning.  Its like me; old a bit brittle but an interesting shape.  

Although not pushed out of shape like I feel.  Just the shape its evolved into.

Should I run away? 20190222

I took this picture yesterday of the kolam that Sivakala made for the Mother’s birthday.  Needless to say we were too busy for me to go to the early morning meditation yesterday morning.

Very busy day again.  I don’t feel things resolving and wondering if I should go away somewhere.  But where?  I don’t want to spend the money to do that and I can’t think of anywhere free I could go.

Breathing space 20190221

A relatively free day in terms of ‘must do’s’ because it is Mother’s birthday and so Pitanga was closed and no yoga. I of course filled up the space doing some of my backlog of ‘things to do’.  This included editing an article for which I had been interviewed.  I came across as incredibly judgmental and opinionated so of course had to soften that a bit.

I love this picture which Emma sent me a few days back.  They look so happy together. I like the picture so much I have got it on my computer.

Sun through lettuce 20190220

I just love this picture which I took this morning in the Souryan Garden.

Had a very busy day going to two schools.  Have now got to think about next year’s projects.

Took my bike out of the store room to find the gears weren’t working properly.  It was a real pain to ride although managed eventually to get it going sort of OK.  Managed to find time to take it to the bike shop opposite Solar Kitchen where he told me he had ‘adjusted’ it.  Feels as if he tightened something up somewhere and it now goes MUCH better.

Difficult yoga 20190219

Had a really dreadful yoga session.  It wasn’t particularly difficult but I felt as if I couldn’t do it and I just didn’t have the energy to push through my resistance.  I felt quite ill when I did try to push through it.  In the end I just did some very little movements and towards the end I did feel a bit better.  I still feel pulled out of shape though, especially my joints.

I have realized with the bean sprouts that I tried to grow them too long.  They are much better when they are shorter – about three days growth.  I gave some to the kitchen but will have to think a better way of growing them if I am going to grow them  regularly.

Things getting better? 20190218

We had a meeting of the Buddha Garden team this afternoon and I feel a bit lighter.  This after feeling very depressed this morning and wondering what to do.  Maybe the answer is not to do anything at the moment.

I was pleased during the meeting to see how different people were taking on more responsibility.  I have to see, I think, that I don’t necessarily have to ‘do’ anything right now.  It will work itself out.

Giri said to me today ‘don’t keep writing to Pierre as you won’t get anywhere.  Save your writing for your books’

I think that is a very important message for me.

Unknown 20190217

I spent the morning feeling SO tired.  I wondered if there was something really wrong with me until a friend phoned up and said she felt exactly the same!  Like me she is just putting one foot in front of the other and keeping going…..

I found it very hard doing the video this morning as I just couldn’t summon the usual energy to do it.  Despite that I managed to finish and upload it and I think its not too bad.

I wish things were better in Buddha Garden although we are having a meeting about that tomorrow.  The picture is of an unknown flower which is like flowers in Buddha Garden (hibiscus, ladies finger, rosella) and yet is different (colour, shape).  Perhaps that is how Buddha Garden will evolve – the same but different.

Bent out of shape 20190216

I came away from yoga feeling as if all my joints had been overstretched.  I feel as if I have very little energy.  It’s a very good metaphor for what I am like right now – bent out of shape by my life.

I must change that.

Some space at last 20190215

Had a school session cancelled which gave me a day that felt very open so I was able to get a lot of other work done.  I see how squeezed I am having to do so much in what is really not enough time.  I feel as if I am constantly having to catch up but never quite make it.

The new product is a disaster as the sprouts don’t keep in the fridge.  I will have to grow them in a way that I can send them fresh every day.

I love this notice in the kitchen made by one of the volunteers.  Those ants are very realistic!

New product 20190214

Rather pleased with my new product this morning.

Another busy day with a meeting that was only fairly difficult but for which I have to write up the notes.  Had some more good connections today.

Good connections 20190213

Managed to get to a Healthy Cashew network meeting this morning.  Afterwards had a long discussion with a friend about the situation on her farm.  Made me grateful to be in Buddha Garden!  Also had a good grump about most of  the men in our lives which,  apart from the one or two notable exceptions, we need to manage carefully.  We both had a good laugh and agreed it was good for our growth! 

Neon marigold 20190212

The marigolds seem to shine like beacons.  Its very difficult to get this in a picture.  Obviously the colour comes out but the way it seems to divert my eyes doesn’t.  I can be looking at something in the garden and somehow my eyes always come back to looking at the marigolds.

Had a truly dreadful Farm Group meeting.  I don’t know there is anything I can do to improve things except be there and model something more positive – if I can.  I’m not at all sure about that.

Morning sky 20190211

The sky was beautiful this morning.

I am very lucky to be surrounded by the beauty of nature.  Especially at a very demanding time like now.

Phew again! 20190210

Another extremely busy day but I think I’ve managed to get everything done.  Including the video and going to take pictures of the Healthy Cashew Network at the Marathon Market.

Used another one of the pictures I took yesterday about various colours.  Although actually it’s the shapes I like on this one.

Phew! 20190209

Had an extremely busy day today which included doing all my cleaning and clothes washing.  Vasantha hasn’t been here all week and the dirt has piled up.  I don’t mind doing the jobs but this time of year I could really do with Vasantha’s help.  I’ve also done a whole lot of writing about various things and talked to several people.

Despite this I managed to find time to take a series of pictures about different colours in Buddha Garden.  I love how this orange glows.

I felt really tired when I went to yoga and even more tired when I finished.

Camera woes 20190207

Very upset this morning when I went out and couldn’t see the picture on the LCD screen of my camera.  So wasn’t able to take any pictures. Didn’t have time to deal with it then as had an early morning. Worked so hard to get all the notes and relevant letters completed.  In the last 72 hours I have done three sets of notes for various meetings!

Eventually got the camera working (had twisted a knob onto the wrong setting) and took this picture which I have called ‘en point’.

Very busy 20190206

Very busy indeed today starting with a school session, then a meeting and then another school session.  In-between times tried to write the notes of yesterday’s meeting.

I love this picture which I have called ‘marigolds protecting tomatoes’.

Luminous red 20190205

This is the picture I wanted to take of the rosella but couldn’t.  There was too much wind and some of them were not in focus.

Went to a meeting with two people from the Green Group to look at some unauthorized building on a farm.  As usual it raised more questions than it solved about what to do about non functioning farms and forests. 

More red 20190204

We started cutting the rosella today.  Lots and lots more red!  I took what I think is a much better picture to show this but unfortunately it was slightly out of focus.  I will try again tomorrow first thing in the morning when the light is good and there is no wind.

With all the upset I have not been sleeping well but this afternoon I feel I managed to catch up a bit.

Red 20190203

There is so much red around at the moment in different places in Buddha Garden.   I felt very drawn to this hibiscus. 

Despite the situation and feeling emotionally quite drained I managed to finish the weekly video and take some pictures.

Meeting 20190202

The Buddha Garden team got together this afternoon and managed to come to a place where we are still talking.  Although there is still a lot more to work out

I feel more relaxed and less hurt.  I need to be gentle both with myself and others.

Feeling bleak 20190201

This picture expresses very well how I felt when a close colleague walked out of Buddha Garden today after a blazing row.  We have been working together for 14 years.

Contemplating 20190131

It was extremely misty today – maybe the last misty morning of this cool season.  We will have to see.

I got this picture quite by accident as I walked around the garden in the mist.  Rajan contemplating the garden where we are planting vegetables together with bananas and papayas.

Remembering 20190130

Remembering Peter’s birthday today and how we always used to celebrate it together.

I love this photo, another one from Sunday, which reminds me of an impressionist’s painting.

Waiting to hatch 20190129

Yet another picture from the series I took on Sunday.  I love these stones looking as if they are waiting to hatch into something else.  Or maybe just grow bigger.  Being stones they will sit there for as long as it takes to do this!