What?

Another picture developed from my night time scribbles.  Reminds me of a mask which looks a bit sinister while underneath is bubbling with laughter.

No idea if it means anything, but I really enjoyed doing it.

Reaching for an image

Went to a dance class last night.  First one for a very long time.  Sabine and Phillippe have come up with their own dance system and danced it for the first time in Auroville last night.  I was a bit worried about my body but felt fine this morning.  Had some interesting squiggles during the night but have had a lot of problems developing them into the above.

Probably because I left it too late and I am tired and can’t seem to focus precisely.  I am extremely busy.

Hoppity

I drew this last night and rather like him.  At first sight I thought he looked like a cross between a rabbit and a kangaroo.

His name is Hoppity, but what is he? Where is he going?  What is he like?

Christmas decorations

These are all natural decorations made by the volunteers on Christmas day for their Christmas celebration.  Not only do they look pretty but they also require no clearing up.  Eventually they will drop off and compost away.

Extremely busy day.  Finding it hard to make sure that I get my creative time kept free.  Its all too easy to use it for work related things.

Christmas night image

This picture is based on an image made in the middle of the night.  The difference with this one is that when I woke up the image was already in my head.  Usually I don’t have anything in my head and I just put pen to paper and see what comes.

It was as if I had woken up just to put the image onto the paper.  No idea what it means.

Christmas day

This is my version of an Indian yule log.  The wood I found a few days ago and then I decorated it with various bits and pieces that I picked up first thing this morning.  Spent another morning being interviewed which threw up some interesting ideas for future writing development.

The volunteers got together and cooked a meal which they had at lunch time.  All afternoon there has been what sounds like a lovely mellow party.  I Skyped Emma, Rachael and Lesley which was lovely.

Feel like dancing

I drew this today.  I haven’t felt like this for ages.

Today had a very long interview for someone who is doing a website about farming and spirituality.  I talked about my life and it stirred up a lot of stuff.  Maybe its something to do with the dance of life.

Edwin's funeral

I felt I wanted to do something to mark Edwin’s funeral and decided to go to an origami workshop.  It was really lovely to do something with my hands. As I did the work I felt Edwin behind me making some of his quirky comments about all things Japanese.

The picture is of the card I made.  I will send it to his wife but maybe tomorrow.

I must look after myself

Last night I found something wrong with my pessary.  Hopefully it is not anything serious but it stopped me sleeping properly last night worrying about it.  Then when I went to my yoga class one of the volunteers cut it rather fine coming through the small cycle gate as she came towards me on her motorbike.  I wobbled and almost fell off, scraping my fourth and fifth toe on my right foot in the process.  It was very painful but I managed to get to yoga.

I feel I have to be more vigilant with my body and take care of it more consciously.  I have cleaned my toes and will take action to sort out the pessary – probably the weekend will be the best time.

New start

Since this is the Winter solstice I think it is right that my new way of organising my days has started today.  Work in the morning included cleaning up the rubbish area as well as all the ordinary admin stuff for Buddha Garden.

Afternoons are for creative work which today meant this fish. This is a picture based on another night image.  I love the red wings!  

Last year

Trying to sort out Gowri’s housing and Vasantha’s work.

Yet another day when having to sort out various stuff and go to yoga class meant I didn’t have time to do any creative work.

Last year’s picture shows all the sparkles of the dew in the sunshine

Help from Auroculture

Went to see Auroculture yesterday and had a lovely conversation about how best for me to move through this transitional time.  I am finding it hard to have the patience just to wait and allow everything to take its course.  When I don’t know what that course will be.  Nothing is clear yet.

Came away thinking that rather trying to think it through or worry about what is going on in Buddha Garden. I should get on with my creative projects.  Passing on the place to others I now have the time to arrange my life so I have afternoons for creative work.  I used to do this but the need to do more in Buddha Garden has gradually chipped away at the time available.

Now it seems there is time to return to my creative work.

Finished!

At last the curtains in the new cabin are up and finished.  Since the material we have used is so light I thought the solution was to sew tapes onto the curtains and tie them to the wood frame of the windows.  Like the one in front on the picture, but that didn’t work so well as they looked all bunched up.

Sangita had a much better idea which was to sew tapes on the bottom and tie them onto bits of wood which are used as weights.  Which can be seen on the left hand side of the picture. This didn’t stop the curtains moving but did stop them flapping everywhere.  

Very busy

Has been a very busy day and at times like moving a mountain.  But gradually the backlog of work is reducing.

Today’s picture is another night image.  Again I don’t have a clue what it is about but it did help me get back to sleep.

Flow

Yet another image from my night time waking.  I feel that doing this is actually making it easier for me to fall back to sleep more quickly and feel more rested when I wake up. 

Feel rather wrung out and drained today.  Especially as I have a backlog of work on which I have to catch up.  Sitting and trying to help people with emotional problems takes a lot of time and energy.  I haven’t had sufficient time in front of my computer to do all the needed writing and other work.

Abstract

This is the image I made last night.  The colours were very clear in my head and translated well when I made the image on my computer. 

Its been an emotionally demanding day.  A couple who have just moved in here are having emotional problems together.  They came to me for help which I am unable to give them.  I suppose all I can do is just be here for them as they try to sort it all out.

There was a family conference this evening and now everyone seems a lot calmer.

Another night vision

This is what I drew last night when I woke up.  I’ve done this shape before and reminds me of an amoeba which is also how I see Auroville.  A being that is constantly absorbing and changing shape.

I am surprised at the colours – the only one I saw in my mind’s eye last night was the yellow.  The rest are not meant to fit with each other.

Feel better today after speaking with Vivek on the phone.  Its good to have an understanding someone to talk to about the Buddha Garden situation.

Night vision

I usually wake up at night, but last night was particularly bad as I couldn’t get back to sleep again.  I think because I was upset about what is happening with Pierre in Buddha Garden,  Its complicated and I am very upset about it and unclear about my way forward.

While awake I did some doodling and this picture is based on that.  Have absolutely no idea what it means although I like the colours.  There is something about drawing when it is dark as the images don’t seem to come from the normal place.

Unblocked washed and blown clean with shoes ready to go!

Today a cyclonic storm has been passing over.  Fortunately we are at the edge of it so although its been very grey and wet there has been no great disruption.  Chennai has come off worse as that is where the storm hit land.

Spent all morning unblocking the toilet and waste water pipe in the cottage.  Yesterday Rajan got me some glue so I could mend my chappels.  Today the wind and rain seems to have made everything clean.

With everything unblocked and clean and with shoes like new I am ready to go!

Edwin

I heard today that my friend and artist Edwin died last Thursday.  I feel so sad and very glad that he gave us one of his pictures which I have hanging on the wall.

I feel I have a little bit of him with me which is a lovely feeling.

My foam roller

Got interested in using a foam roller to help my sometimes rather tight muscles.  After seeing how expensive they are to buy here I’m so pleased that I managed to make my own.  I used a large PVC pipe and an old yoga mat.

Of course its not as sleek as the bought ones but to start off with it is fine.  I think it will be really good to use just before I go to bed.

Annoying mess

I was having a walk around the garden this afternoon and found this mess by the stone circle.  Someone had come and set light to what was probably either a pillow or mattress.  The stuffing was everywhere.

If they were going to burn something they might have done it in the fireplace which is very obvious at the back of the circle. Often it feels like a constant battle to keep the place looking good.

A new art start

I have decided that when I wake up in the middle of the night I will do some artwork.  The picture is the design I did last night for an abstract colouring picture.  I have the idea to make several of them in different colours to express different things.

I did the original in a special book that is supposed to easily file everything in the cloud.  Unfortunately it doesn’t work and I cannot figure out what has gone wrong.  So I wait for help from their help desk and in the meantime take the above picture with my camera.

Its wonderful to have some art ideas again.   

Busy day

Spent a lot of today at a meeting trying to find a possible resolution to a conflict between two farms.  Its been going on a long time and feels quite intractable.

Was most concerned when I contacted one of the people involved to hear that she has been suffering badly from stress.  It has made her physically sick which is very worrying.

Could not find a picture for today so I am using the one I used on this date last year.  I had a dream about walking around with one shoe off and one shoe on and then found myself walking out like that when I went to work in the morning.

New pillow

Yesterday I bought a new pillow as my old one has worn out and I am suffering bad neck aches.

After only one night its amazing how much better my neck feels this morning.  Soreness hasn’t completely gone but is much better.  

Abundance

We did a huge amount of picking today.  I think this picture shows the abundance that we have in the garden at the moment.  There are so many different kinds of vegetables and fruit.

This morning a group came and they gave us a donation in cash.  So this afternoon we rushed into Puducherry to buy a lot of things that we need.  There is still a lot of problems finding the new Rs500 and Rs1000 notes – any notes really – that are needed.  We saw long queues at banks and ATM’s.

Water

At last I have managed to find time to go and see how much water we have in the ponds.  Not much.  By now the ponds should be full; instead water barely covers the bottom.

Have decided to use this time of waiting to nurture myself.

Clearing the way

I saw Jo yesterday and had a very intense session.  Today I felt strongly to clear my desk which had become the repository of a lot of junk.  It was as if I were clearing things out on all levels ready for the next step.

While it felt good I wish I didn’t feel so fearful about the future.  I think its partly because I am waiting for the next step to present itself.  I am never good in these transitional periods when nothing seems to be happening.

Picture problems

I wanted to make a poster about the wifi in Buddha Garden and had the utmost problem in downloading a suitable picture from the internet.  After several tries I managed to get a picture which I used in my artwork program to get a picture that I could use.

It surely shouldn’t be that complicated should it??  Maybe I need lessons in how to do it more easily.

Rain!

Everyone very excited and happy to see the rain at last.

Dry

Still no rain although some has been promised for tomorrow.  New Horizon, along with any part of Buddha Garden that does not have irrigation, is extremely dry.

I feel this picture of someone watering the beds in New Horizon by hand expresses just how dry it is.

Basil

Today we cleaned 11kg of basil.  I don’t think we have ever done this much since Buddha Garden began.

My thumb is very brown but at least it didn’t make the tips of my fingers all itchy and red like it did last time.

Memory

This is a picture I received yesterday from a friend in Malaysia where we lived for four years.  It was taken at an event at a Sikh temple and as the picture shows, it was soon after Rachael was born.

It came on the anniversary of Peter’s death and was a wonderful reminder of the times we had together there.

Stabilising

During yesterday’s yoga class I had this strong image of my body stabilising.  There were parts of my body being bandaged in what felt like a non restricting elastic bandage; this including my bladder, all my blood vessels and spine.  My body was being brought together rather than being very elastic all the time.

I feel that I am doing some of the asanas in a different way that is helping this process along.  It feels like my body is rearranging itself.

New kind of bricks

Today we went to a place called Auro-creation where they are experimenting with making different kinds of bricks.  These ones are made of a mixture of ground up plastic and cement so are a way of recycling plastic.  It is simple technology so that we could make them ourselves.

The only problem I could see is that the plastic might flake off, but we were assured this would not happen.  I would like to experiment with three small beds outside where I live.

Nearly finished

We worked hard on the new cabin this morning.  Now the windows are finished we just have to put up the door. 

Then all the volunteers can come!

Youngest volunteer

I love this picture of Magzhiran that I took this morning.  He was so involved with what he was doing!

Reminded me of Emma and Rachael who were very similar.  Always wanting to explore and try and do what the adults were doing.

Pleased

Had two good sessions at each of the schools where we have projects.  One school is going to have a millets day when they will cook a variety of millets in different ways.  On that day there will be no rice.  At the other school I got the help of three volunteers and we divided the group up into four small groups.  Unlike last week they were really engaged and turned in some good work.  They even told me how much they had enjoyed it.

Very pleased.

I wish

I wish it would rain! As the picture shows we haven’t managed to install the irrigation system in New Horizon yet so we are still watering by hand.

I realize that dry as everything is, I need to be very careful what I wish for.  Often when rains come at the end of the monsoon they are very heavy and destructive.

Cabin continues

At last it seems the cabin is getting finished.  It now has three windows and only the front window and door to complete.  We will then have to think about curtains and plastic for when it rains.

There is still a problem getting cash and no end in sight to the cash shortage.  So goodness knows when we will be able to complete it and invite volunteers to stay there.

Settling in

Saw Magzhiran and Sangita sitting together this morning and looking very happy together.  I think they are at last settling in here and feeling at home.

Cabin continues

Since the bricklaying finished last week trying to get the cabin finished and in use has been difficult.  No one else seems to be interested in the work and I haven’t felt well enough.

But today Rajan and a friend made a start so hopefully that will inspire others to come and help.  We really need this space as we have quite a few more people coming next week.

Back to work

For the first time in two weeks I feel better.  Had another huge sleep after the yoga class and got up feeling much more energised.  Managed to do the whole work time today and also felt more hopeful than I have for a long time.

Looks like I might have undermined myself, however, as I got a bad sinus pain at lunch time.  Maybe because I tried to do too much????!

Dry

After the picture I got from last year with all that water I thought for comparative purposes I should have a picture of this year.

Not a drop of water anywhere in any of the ponds.

Good and bad

Had a good day with one school and a bad day at the other.  I just don’t know what to do with the students as they are not interested or open to doing things differently.

This picture says it all in some ways.  They split into two groups – boys and girls – and just try to annoy each other.  While they obviously enjoy being outside most of them are not interested in learning anything.

Last year we had water

This reminds me of just how much rain we had last year!  While this year we have had hardly anything.  Not one good rain since the monsoon begun.

This time last year I was so busy and finding it hard work to keep everything going.  I see how much I have passed on and how this year I feel as if everything is rearranging itself inside me.  Both physically and in other ways.

I think it is going to take some time for this to complete and then to know what comes next.

Rejuvenating

This picture is of three volunteers taking a break from doing what was a very strenuous job.  I have felt like this all day.  I am able to do something but only for a short time.  After which I have to take a break.

I have tried to use the breaks for doing restorative yoga poses.  Although I still feel tired I also feel better and ferociously hungry.

Holding me up

This is a pretty good representation of how my insides feel now.  Someone said to me that sometimes you have to be ill to change something inside.

I have had a strong feeling during the whole of this process that things are changing inside.  That I am becoming tougher and more resilient and less open to outside things getting under my skin.

A long week

Its been a long week during which Donald Trump has become the new President of the USA, India has run out of cash because of withdrawing all old Rs500 and Rs1000 notes immediately and I am still very tired although feeling better.

During this time one of our volunteers has been some brick laying on our newest cabin.  It has been lovely to check regularly on his progress and see how slowly, despite everything, it is being manifest.

Ill

Have been diagnosed with a bladder infection which is making me feel very ill.  Although it is slowly getting better.

Received this from friend Edwin who has bladder cancer which has spread.  Despite this he continues to paint in his own special way.  He is going to go on a trial of a drug that may help.