Where my energy goes.....

I was really upset last night as I just couldn't create a picture.  I doodled around for ages but nothing came and I just felt tired.  This morning I realised how much of my creative energy has been focused on Buddha Garden in the last few weeks.

The picture shows the jobs we did today and it has been like that every day.  We have done a lot more than just keep the place ticking over as we have created new areas to the extent that now nearly all the land of Buddha Garden is growing something.

My wish for the new year is that I have more relaxed time for my creative work and that it doesn't have to be squeezed between all the other work I do.  I haven't written anything for ages and I frequently feel very tired indeed by the time I get to creating my daily picture.

Yet I am pleased that I have kept them both going in the last year and so I recommit myself to making the time each day to carry on with them.

Feeling empty

For the last few days I have been feeling very hungry and hollow.  I am really missing having a special someone in my life.  Which is perhaps exacerbated by the fact that I am communicating with lots of people, but they are mainly people like volunteers or co-workers where I am focusing on getting things done, although often I do enjoy being with them.

I do miss being intimate with someone.  Perhaps David's death has brought this on - this missing of an other.

I have noticed that I keep going on the internet to look at things like new tablets.  Things that I do not need by any stretch of the imagination, but things that I would like to have.  Am I trying to fill myself up with things and food and........? I worry that I am even although I know to do so won't help me feel any better.  Working hard doesn't help either although it does mean I get a lot of work completed!

I should be grateful for the things I have.  I found out today that my money has found its way to my new bank account and there are lots of good things happening in my life.  

So I will try to focus on that rather than try to fill up the hollow within.

Doodle

It has been a frantic day in many ways with an extra trip to Pondy to order some new glasses which will be ready in just over a week.  They have red plastic frames and the only bit of metal is the hinge which the man in the shop said I should oil once a week to stop it rusting.  So hopefully they will be stronger and last longer than the six months that the last ones did.

Despite that I feel strangely relaxed and unpressured this evening.  Maybe it was the yoga class that did it.

This evening was the first time for ages that I got to do some drawing and painting on my tablet.  I enjoyed it SO much just doodling away.  I loved the colours and just letting the pen flow.  In this picture the enjoyment was in the doing rather than in the end result.

Broken glasses as well....

On Christmas Eve I broke a temporary cap on my teeth; today I broke my glasses.  As the picture shows I have managed to cobble something together so I can go on wearing them.  Given they have got so rusty - and probably quite weak - it looks like I will have to have some new frames.  I am going to see if I can get some 'rugged' or 'sports' glasses tomorrow.  I am not sure whether I can get them here so I might have to get them online and prevail upon poor Emma once again to send them to me.

A lot of my things seem to be breaking up......

Christmas bear

I was really pleased to get this picture of Matilda with the bear she made from a kit that I gave her as a Christmas present.  She must have got going on it really fast to finish it so quickly although I expect Rachael helped her do it.

I'm really glad that she liked it.

Christmas in Buddha Garden

With all this and work too, no wonder I am feeling tired!

Its Christmas!

I organised Christmas such a long time ago and as there is very little here to make me feel Christmassy it has crept up on me quite unawares.  I think the volunteers are determined to celebrate Christmas - one of them is organising all the food and I was amused when another volunteer asked me where he could find shrimps - these being needed for the meal.  Shrimps at Christmas? I think the chicken is going to be cooked in a pit and  I gather there is going to be a pumpkin pie as well, this being made by someone from South America.  

We will be working tomorrow morning but it looks like there will be a celebration later.

The picture is of all my Christmas things.  The beer was a lovely surprise from Vivek which I am enjoying as I write this. The present is from Sam - and Sam's Mum of course.  The red bananas I saw in a shop and bought them immediately as I really love them and I don't see them very often.  They are very expensive but I thought it would make a good Christmas present for myself.  I also got a nice new temporary crown as the original one disintegrated this morning at breakfast and the dentist managed to get a nice new shiny one by the time I went to see her at lunch time.  It feels very good and I am very pleased.