Things coming together

The mattresses have been delivered and considering that they are second hand ones they are in very good condition. We are getting estimates for the beds, both those that have to be mended and those that are going to be made. I heard today that the cottage should be finished by tomorrow and the new cabin by next Wednesday.

It feels that a lot of things are coming together including volunteers to take advantage of the new places.

Green doors

All the building is coming on and I love the new green doors of the cottage. They seem to make as much difference as all the internal remodelling. Some of the mosquito netting has been done and we hope the building will be finished by next week.

A lot is getting done

I came back from Pondy with a lot of bedding material for the refurbished cottage. We have found some free mattresses from Centre Guest house and Rajan is going to see how much it will cost to get some simple beds made. Tomorrow we are going to find out about getting the mattress and pillow covers made with the material we bought today. We have also found a way of doing the solar using what we have already got. All we now have to sort out is the wifi.

Amazing.

I haven't got a picture that shows all this activity so I took one of the pictures that I took today for the Buddha Garden Facebook page. I am not sure why I choose this one as I have others which show 'hard work' and 'things getting done' more obviously as this morning we also got a lot done in the garden. Maybe its because I feel that there are things seeding in Buddha Garden although at the moment I am not entirely sure what they are.

Our new kitchen

This is a picture of what our new kitchen is going to look like. I just love that beautiful roof.

We presented the building application to the Farm group today and it was accepted. We are going to start building on April 1^st and I am sure the money will be there.

Jyothi farm

This after noon we went to look at Jyothi farm; the new farm which has been given to Buddha Garden to look after. I took a lot of pictures but I thought this one showed best what I feel is going on there.

The place has a very disjointed feel and although everything that is necessary for a farm is there it feels as if they don't fit together very well. Vivek told me that this is what in fact happened. People came to the farm with 'good ideas', Dr Kiren said 'yes' but was too busy to be there to see that things were done properly or that it fitted in with an overall plan. As a result there are quite a few unfinished buildings (including the main house) and a very eccentric layout such as a very wonderful bathroom and toilets (with solar water heater!) being a long way away from where people are going to live. Apparently the place has got particularly run down in the last six months as can be seen in the bananas and paths which are looking very ragged and uncared for.

I don't really know how we are going to run it or what my role will be or even if I have a role at all. Vivek says he is going to work at getting the legal stuff organised with a proper agreement that puts Buddha Garden in charge. We are talking about it in the Farm group tomorrow morning.

I think I will just have to feel my way through on this one.

Dog and sun

I went out first thing this morning to start the watering and saw one of our dogs in this pose which reminded me of Egyptian hieroglyphs and sculptures. I felt it was saying something but not sure what.

I have looked it up and apparently the 'Dog Star' or 'Sirius' was very important in Egypt as its arrival at a certain part of the sky at the Summer equinox – June 21^st – signalled that the Nile would rise and flood which as necessary for Egyptian agriculture.

A good sign hopefully!

Another quiet day

It was another quiet day when I managed to nearly finish my embroidery. After all the doubt and hesitation I am very pleased with it and it has come out much better than I expected. All it needs is the title and a good press with the iron and it will be ready to put up.

I went on bicycle ride and passed Matrimandir that was heaving with people. All being organised by paid staff with not an Aurovilian in sight. Typical Auroville – let the paid staff do the work.

Sun on sun

Its been a very quiet day as we had a day off for Pongal. I think its going to be even quieter tomorrow because nearly everything will be closed and I will have to do all my meal preparation at home.

The picture is of my embroidery which I started doing again today. This is where it will eventually be put. I like the way that the sun shines on it. I took parts of it out today and at times was quite worried that it wouldn't look very good and I would have to abandon it.

Return of the sun

First day of Pongal when I realised that the embroidery I am doing 'return of the sun' is totally appropriate as this is what the Pongal festival celebrates – the return of the sun after it has gone to its lowest point in the sky. I didn't realise that when I started to do the embroidery.

Went to the Police station today as part of the process to get the death certificate for Kim who died here on Christmas day. Its a complicated process of giving and receiving of bits of paper and I think money is going to have to be used to grease the process.

Wrote a long letter to daughters today and realised that the fact of having the new farm hasn't really sunk in. Also that it is going to be a process to decide how best to use it and that needs to be agreed before I go rushing off anywhere. So rather than worry about my decision about whether to go to the UK or not I have decided not to decide for the time being until things become a bit clearer.

Internal remodelling

The remodelling of the cottage is coming along very well despite it being nearly Pongal which is a time when it is usually quite difficult to get stuff done as everyone is looking forward to the holiday. The whole building feels very different and will I think make a lovely space for four volunteers.

I feel it is symbolic of the internal remodelling going on in Buddha Garden. I realised today that I have been on pins about Pierre for some time. He just rushes ahead to do what he wants and that I, as often as not, get lumbered with having to clear up after him. I am so relieved that I don't have to worry about Pierre any more or what he might do to the reputation of Buddha Garden.  

Going

I seem to spend a lot of my life these days clearing up problems, often caused by people not thinking about what they are going to do or getting the wrong end of the stick and feeling resentful.

There is a lot of chaotic energy around Pierre's lettuce project and the picture shows volunteers planting out the first of the lettuce seedlings in what we have called 'lettuce land'. Which is a field belonging to Herbert in Siddhartha farm next to us. It would be nice if the project didn't have so many things that need sorting out – mainly because Pierre doesn't think very carefully about what he is doing.

I feel that I look at the project through lenses in which there are moving lines of all colours so that you can never be quite sure what is going on!

Frazzeled

I seem to spend a lot of my life clearing up problems, often caused by people not thinking about what they are going to do or getting the wrong end of the stick and feeling resentful.

There is a lot of chaotic energy around Pierre's lettuce project and the picture shows volunteers planting out the first of the lettuce seedlings in what we have called 'lettuce land'. Which is a field belonging to Herbert in Siddhartha farm next to us. It would be nice if the project didn't have so many things that need sorting out – mainly because Pierre doesn't think very carefully about what he is doing.

I feel that I look at the project through lenses in which there are moving lines of all colours so that you can never be quite sure what is going on!

Sunset

This is the time of year of beautiful red sunsets and I hoped there would be one tonight as the sun was very red. Unfortunately, as the picture shows, this was not to be.

At last I have had a day when I have had time to embroider and talk to Sam on Skype.

New shoes

Yesterday my garden shoes broke so then my best shoes, or chappels as they are called here, were pressed into service for the garden. I went to shopping this afternoon for a new pair for 'best' and found these in a sale. In fact they were the only pair that were suitable for me and I was a bit concerned as they looked a bit too wide and loose, but actually they are very comfortable and don't feel loose at all. It was only after I had decided to have them that I was told that there was a sale discount.

From the corner of my eye

I was walking around the garden doing various things this morning when these grasses caught first the corner of my eye which made me stop to look at them. They were very delicate and easy to miss but they reminded me yet again of how beauty can be found in the most mundane places.

Unfortunately the picture doesn't at all do justice to the way the sun glinted on them. I tried to capture this with my camera many times but I don't know enough about photography to catch it in the picture.

As it is the picture reminds me of an unexpectedly beautiful moment.

Transition

This morning we cleared out the cottage and this is a picture of all the stuff that has been cleaned and was stood in the sun to clean it even more. The cottage is now ready for the builders to come in and do the internal changes. At the same time we have got rid of two volunteers who were making problems and with a new batch of volunteers I hope the energy will change for the better. I feel it has been a long transition this year.

Today I heard that someone wants to give a very valuable farm to Auroville. But only on the condition that Buddha Garden stewards it, as the owner feels that we will manifest the sustainability principles in which he deeply believes. I am overwhelmed by such a valuable gift and very touched by the faith he has in us to use it well.

Sun catcher

Over the last two days our new solar panels have been installed and I have hardly noticed it. People have come and put them up and then suddenly today there they were. As the picture shows, they are huge and are a wonderful gift for us that has come like a bud that suddenly flowers.

As I sit writing this I am assailed by the stink of the fire that Pierre made to burn all Kim's stuff. I hope he feels satisfied now although he didn't seem so when I spoke to him. I have decided to call the cottage 'New Light' or the Sanskrit equivalent.

Volunteers

This evening I have had a lovely conversation with a volunteer who is leaving very early tomorrow and wanted to talk to me before she went. She told me how much she had enjoyed being in Buddha Garden and how much she had learnt, not just about organic farming, but about herself and her relationships with others.

After another difficult and tiring day it was very uplifting. I don't have the energy to create a picture so I am using a picture of volunteers that I took this morning for our Facebook page. Its wonderful how a group of volunteers have almost finished fencing lettuce land with Pierre.

Special morning light

Today was the first time we had that very special light that you get in the mornings this time of year. This is a picture to celebrate it.

I am still trying to find the best way to get rid of Kim's stuff and am finding myself once again having to deal with other peoples' fears about dark energies and how they have to be dissipated. One way or another I am determined to clear the house in the next few days so that we can start the building work there.

Still tired

Despite still feeling tired I managed to get a lot of catch up work completed. Trouble is I had no inspiration for a picture and felt too tired even to do some embroidery.

Fortunately Claudia, a volunteer, came in with her photos, which as she is a properly trained photographer, were very good. So I've used a good one that she took of Kim in the week before she died.

Soooooooooooooo tired

I went to my yoga class yesterday and as a result I feel very tired today. I think the yoga is keeping me in touch with my body and how I feel and I am responding to that rather than keeping myself together to do all the 'must do's' in the practical world.

I have been doing some embroidery to soothe myself. This is the start of the piece 'return of the sun' which I really felt this morning which was misty to start off with. I have been trying to think how I might embroider mist......

Someone turned up today to talk about how we can purify the cottage. He said it was quite unnecessary to burn a lot of stuff and that it can be done in other ways. I felt he was somehow sent to me to help me through this period when I am dealing with different ideas about how the purification process can be carried out.

Work fortunately

Thank goodness for work! Even although things are very intense with all the volunteers I feel much better when I am doing something like weeding or planting. Pierre is taking over a piece of land in Siddharta farm next door on which he will grow more lettuce. He has got two loads of goat dung for compost – we are running out of compost in Buddha Garden – and this morning started making the fence. He is making it out of the stalks of palmyra leaves which are just lying around in Siddartha farm and using wood from trees in Buddha Garden for the poles. The volunteers helping him this morning worked on after breakfast and made a large number of fence panels, as you can see from the picture.

Mandala

I began this day by making this mandala for Kim in the middle of the stone circle that we cleaned and cleared up yesterday. The idea was that anyone who wanted to could go and light a candle, but probably not many people got the chance to do so because it rained quite heavily later in the morning.

I spent most of the rest of the morning cleaning and clearing up in Kim's old room which included the uggy bits where the body had leaked. I used bleach and found the smell very comforting as when I was nurse the smell of bleach indicated that something had been properly cleaned! The room felt a lot better once I had done that and then cleared up all the stuff into bags. I found a huge amount of cigarette packets and butts which means that she was smoking much more than she was admitting to me. There were also several booze bottles.

Unfortunately Pierre and I are arguing about what should happen next. He wants to break down the house, but I have told him he can only do it if he can provide the Rs8 – 10 laks it will take to build another dwelling. Failing that he wants to burn all her possessions which includes all the bedding and quite a lot of plastic as well as all her books. I would have more sympathy if she had died on the bed, but she didn't and it seems such a polluting and unnecessary thing to do. Now he is talking to people who are writing to me and telling me that I really have to do this. I think that it is pointless to try and brush away the darkness and although there may be a few things that need burning, the most important thing to do is to bring light to the place to dispel the darkness. I think we could do that by remodelling the place so that it would attract more people.

We have argued a lot and I cannot see a way to resolve it amicably as Pierre is very adamant about what needs to happen. I feel too tired to have to deal with this at the moment.

Feeling flattened

I feel as if a steam roller has run over me.

Yet I also feel ready to get up and totter on.