Upset 20190530

Had a visit from the university research people.  My colleague got very upset because he is away and he feels they are sidelining him.  As a result we had a difficult email exchange.  And just when I thought that we were getting easier together.  Felt very bad.

Then had a lovely talk and yoga session with Grace who told me all about her family and what happened when she went to see them a few weeks ago.  Sometimes people change and its something they just have to go through and experience. I feel I’ve got swept up with that and I’m not making things better by reacting all the time.  I think I need to be more quiet which is easier when I see its not to do with me.

The picture is of my creative spirit emerging rather shyly. 

The time it takes 20190529

This morning got very caught up with a difficult situation on one of our farms.  It meant several phone calls to different people (one in Australia) as well as several emails.  All in all it took all morning to sort it all out and I found it quite draining energetically.

Despite that I did a really good picture of the different sorts of bacteria.  I was very pleased and it made the writing a lot easier.  I was hoping to finish the whole section on microbes but it is obviously going to take a lot longer than just a day or two.  It is so interesting.

A haircut and a visit 20190528

Finally managed to go and get my hair cut today.  My head feels much less heavy and cooler!

I then went to see someone called Veronique who was befriended by a Buddha Garden volunteer when she was here.  The volunteer wrote and said Veronique had been very sick and was having trouble managing her 30 dogs and could I go and see her to check she was OK. So I went on the back of Mani’s moped after the hair cut.  Mani would not go into the place when three barking dogs jumped up at the gate when I went in!  There were a lot of dogs but most of them were tied up and they all looked healthy.

She seemed really fragile but is obviously not going to give up her dogs despite her family trying to persuade her otherwise.  I gave her my phone number so she can phone if she needs anything.  She is happy with how she lives so I hope she will be able to manage.

Finding my lost bits 20190527

Today I felt very shaky and dizzy after I tried to get my washing done really quickly along with all the other work this morning.  Its like that when I push myself to do more than I really can.  Or I feel that I am not doing as much as I should.  Then I don’t feel well and have to stop.

The above came quite spontaneously to the music of the Beatles song ‘Let it Be’.  With it I created the above picture which I have put on my computer. It reminds me that my creative side has its way of doing things and takes the time it takes and won’t necessarily conform to how I think my creative work should be or be done. Today I felt that I have been resisting that part of myself – that creative spirit within me.  And that it is probably because of this that I am still feeling depressed.

Later I spoke to my creative spirit and learnt what she needs.

SO pleased 20190526

I finished the weekly video and then wrote and illustrated the next part of the section on insects.  Feeling too tired to carry on writing I did this picture of a worker bee.  I am SO pleased with it as it is unlike anything I have ever done before.  I used several new techniques.

Also did some reading which was enjoyable.  So quite a restful day.

I can feel the colour coming 20190525

This is the first picture I have done for a long time where I thought about what colours I might use.  Although I haven’t so far coloured it.

What I did do was use it as part of the bringing together of my writing and drawing about insects.  I really felt I achieved something today although I don’t seem to be going as fast as I would like.  At the same time I don’t want to push myself.  I would like to reach that point where the energy of the book takes over the writing. 

I just have to keep moving forward…..

Insect work 20190524

I’ve been ploughing through all the material on insects and am learning some fascinating stuff.  This picture is of the results of termites chewing up a piece of keet left after the keet workers did the roof.  They have covered the ground with  what is almost certainly humus and very good for plants. 

I am becoming more aware of what insects are doing in Buddha Garden and thinking how to use this in our insect garden.

I like! 20190523

This morning I managed to get very close to what I thought was a chameleon but is probably just a grey lizard.  I was surprised he stayed still long enough for me to take this picture.

Writing going very slowly and it feels like the heat is affecting me.

Butterfly 20190522

I am SO pleased with this picture!  I was in the Pryog orchard when I saw this butterfly fluttering around.  As I need a picture for the latest section of writing I’m doing I chased after it.  Then I found It was SO difficult; it flew all over the place and I couldn’t get really near.  This picture comes from a really long shot that just happens to have come out very well.  I’ll be using it for one of my illustrations.

Didn’t actually do much writing today but have done two illustrations about what I am writing.  As a result I feel clearer about what I am going to write so hopefully when I actually come to write it will flow more than it has been doing.

Exasperated 20190522

Had to go to an unexpected meeting today which drained my energy.  First it took a lot of time just to go, listen to everyone and then take notes.  It was also quite a difficult meeting where a lot of people shouted and didn’t listen to each other.  Then it was back to the computer to do the notes and fire off a letter to all the relevant groups and people.

As a result I got to my work late feeling hot, jangly and out of energy.  I didn’t manage to write much but I did get material together about insect life cycles.  Hopefully I will feel a bit clearer tomorrow and will be able to write it up.  I found some pictures and maybe I’ll be able to draw my insect life cycles from them.

I really like this picture that I took yesterday.  I like how the sun glints on the Palmyra shells.

Sunset 20190520

Managed to get some more writing done today so a feeling that things are gradually coming together.

I took this picture at sunset

A writing day 20190519

I spent most of today writing and realise that when I also do artwork I get a lot more done.  And it feels much less pressured.  The picture is of a bug that I drew as an illustration for the book.  I’m intending to change all the illustrations into ones that I do.  This will make them more consistent and I hope they will print better than grey scale photos which is what is there at the moment.

I was interested to see how my mind worked as well with this more creative writing.  I allow it to be much less focused than when I am doing ‘admin writing’.  I realized this when I tried to rewrite a letter for V and couldn’t do it because I wasn’t focusing enough.  It was the end of the day though so I was also very tired.

I’m so happy with the way things have gone today.

Uggggggh! 20190518

A difficult day with bad feelings.  Felt overwhelmed by my anorexic energies.  I think the picture says it all.

As usual, despite all that I managed to finish the weekly video and get a lot of other tasks completed.

Expensive day 20190517

This morning I went to pay for my ticket to UK and found out later the exchange rates are tumbling. Just my luck.  Then in the afternoon the nibs for the special pen I use on my Wacom tablet arrived.  I was very pleased as the existing nib is extremely worn down.  It was a tiny package in far too much packaging and I couldn’t believe that the five little bits of plastic cost the equivalent of 20 UK pounds!!!!!  It was lovely to have a new nib though.

Feel exhausted after talking with R about the new school year in the school vegetable gardens.  I’ve so enjoyed having a rest from them and don’t feel like going back at all.  I am seriously wondering whether to take a week off when I do nothing but writing.  But for that I would have to go away from Buddha Garden and I would need a good internet connection.

Beauty 20190516

Another meeting – at lunch time.  It wasn’t too bad I suppose and although I am going to write up the notes this afternoon I did some artwork this morning.  I was trying to do some page layouts for the new book but got very stuck. If everything goes well I may even have some time to do more this afternoon.

And I did! 

I had enough time after I finished the notes to do another mandala.  I’ve decided that the first job should be to rewrite the Hands With the Earth book and that this will serve as the basis for all the other books and posters that I want to do.

The picture is of a flowering cactus which has been beautiful amongst the chaos and mess of the new roof being built. 

Refocusing I hope 20190515

I started the day off with a meeting but as it was early and relatively smooth it didn’t disrupt the rest of my day.

Spent a lot of this after noon doing the above picture for my computer.  Just to remind me of how to focus on the creative path.  I had really strong energy to finish it today.  Its very unusual for me to do so much in black and white and I wonder why in this case I did.  Maybe it reflects my colourless life?

I am so glad that all the roof work has not only been finished but everything has been cleared up around the house.  I seem to have been sweeping and sweeping but the dust was still in my room until it was cleared away outside today.

Finished roof 20190514

Another day when I had to spend too much time doing stuff I don’t want to do.  Had to sit through an excruciating meeting where I realize now that most of the time I was completely disengaged.  I feel quite guilty about it as I feel it would have been better if I hadn’t gone at all.  If I am going to do something I think I should do it as well as I can.

The roof was finished today on top of my house and it looks very good as the picture shows.  When I got back from the meeting I did some art work that I was really pleased with.

Seeing the sky 20190513

I have spent too long today doing admin stuff.  Now I feel too tired to do anything more although I would like to spend a bit of time getting more material for my book.  The heat doesn’t help of course.  Or having people around my house all day taking down the thatch roof before replacing it with new.  It made everything very dusty inside and I had to do some clearing up.

I feel I have got overwhelmed with ‘must do’s’ again.  And there is a Farm Group meeting tomorrow which will take all morning.  My new found refocusing doesn’t seem to have lasted very long.

When the old roof was cleared it was lovely to look up and see the sky.  I feel there is a message for me in that.

Holiday plans 20190512

I had rather more admin stuff to do today than I would have liked.  As the video was finished it just needed a few minor corrections before uploading it.

I could do things in quite a relaxed way and spent a lot of this afternoon just reading.  Then I did a skype interview with a German researcher.

Have also written a program for doing the creative work next week so I feel things are moving forward.  I don’t want to feel overwhelmed.

My holiday plans seem to be coming clear which is nice.

Yellow 20190511

Spent a lot of today doing the video.  It does seem to make everything else go on hold as I didn’t have time to do my daily mandala.

I have so many creative things I want to do.  I worry that trying to do them all I will end up feeling about them the same way that I do about all the admin work.  Just feeling pressured all the time.

The above picture is for the rainbow sequence in Buddha Garden for the hot season.

Insect 20190510

Busy day when I spoke to both Emma about summer holidays and Gowri about her housing problems.  It looks like I will be going to UK beginning of August and coming back first week of September.

Despite not doing too much on the book today I feel that it is coming along rather well.  I keep getting more ideas for it.  The picture is of an insect which I found on a pumpkin flower and am going to use in the book.

A different squirrel problem 20190509

Spent much longer than I wanted trying to persuade a squirrel to leave my house.  Obviously s/he had got locked in when I closed the window opening yesterday.  I chased after it and then just as it got to the open door Vasantha blocked the entrance.  The squirrel went quite demented trying to get out of the blocked up window going round and round the window.  On Rajan’s advice I opened some of the other windows and I THINK its gone now but will have to wait and see.  From time to time I hear scraping sounds….

Saw Vivek today who suggested that I get help with some of my ‘official’ writing stuff for one of the groups.  That’s a really good idea as I was ready to give the job up completely.  This way I can show someone else how to do it.  We talked about a lot of other stuff and the untangling continues.

Blocking the squirrels 20190508

Was furious to find this morning that another wretched squirrel had chewed another hole in the mosquito netting. This one next to the hole I blocked off a few days ago. It had obviously been looking to build another next behind my picture.   More drastic measures were necessary so I put this wire netting up over the place where they get in.  It will be interesting to see if they manage to get around it….

This morning something happened that hasn’t happened for a very, very long time.  I just knew what my next project is going to be.  Its to be an illustrated book about how to grow your own food, but the illustrations are going to be drawings to be coloured.  It was a wonderful feeling – I just knew this was my next project and the time for it to manifest.  It was lovely having that knowingness.

Doodle 20190507

Had a lot of energy to do my mandala today and after that I created the above.  I don’t know what it is or where it comes from although I like how all the colours have blended together.  Something else I have learnt to do with the software.

Realised today that I HAVE to get some new nibs for the special pen I use with the drawing tablet.  I’ve only got one left and it is very worn down.  I’ve ordered some more but they will take three weeks to arrive so I hope the nib I’ve got will last until then.

Hot 20190506

For the first time I have felt that the heat has slowed me down.  Especially this afternoon when my computer got so hot it kept hanging. My brains seem to have slowed down and all I want to do is lie down and read – fortunately I have got a good book.

Managed to get some work done though and eventually I will hopefully feel I’ve got enough energy to write.  I’ve more or less finished the flip charts.  Am now trying to think of how to create a drawing book about growing food but so far haven’t had much inspiration.

Emma sent me this picture of the children which always cheers me up.

Difficulties 20190505

Had a horrible depressive night last night.  I think because I didn’t do any yoga.  Had a chat with Daughters and its clear that I need to go to the UK.  Also clear I will not be able to work.  Although maybe that not so necessary now it seems I may be able to get extra money here.

Managed to do things for Buddha Garden this morning but feel very tired with ache in the side of my neck.  Went out to video a community cashew picking but they had a professional crew doing it.  Saw Jasmin and she says things are difficult for everyone as a lot of ‘stuff’ is being cleared out from Auroville. She thinks that I am needed as steward of Buddha Garden for at least for another year or so.  Felt a clear message but can only do it if conditions are OK for my health.

Cleared out the above squirrels nest from behind my picture and sewed up the hole in the mosquito net where they are coming in. Ha!

More squirrels at work 20190504

This is a picture I took this morning of the head of a sunflower that has been destroyed by more squirrels.  Generally when I cover the head with a bag the squirrels leave it alone.  I guess once they understand how to take the bag off there is no stopping them.

Fortunately at the moment the knowledge of how to do it hasn’t spread to other squirrels.  But I’m sure it won’t be long.

Had a nice chat with friend from Singapore who has invited me there for a holiday.  Unfortunately I don’t see how I can afford it.

Squirrels grrrrrrrr 20190503

Had to go to a Farm Group meeting this morning to get their permission for our building request.  This  to change one of our roofs from keet (thatch) to tiles.  We got permission but I’ve had to spend the afternoon writing up a paper with more information about the building and who will live there for all the groups which need to look at the request.  It seems to me that the trick to getting these kind of requests through the building request process is to make sure that every group who looks at it has the information they need about it.  Not necessarily an easy job.

This morning I was talking with Giri and heard a crash from within my house.  Went inside to see that a squirrel had got in and knocked a glass jar off the shelf.  Unfortunately it had some coconut oil in it so it was rather messy to clear up.  Fortunately the jar wasn’t full of oil or it would have been much worse.

More untangling 20190502

Very surprised to see this picture of myself on my camera.  Giri must have taken it without me being aware.  I’m talking with a volunteer who wants to organize school trips to Buddha Garden.  She’s got the contacts and says this is something that schools want. I’ve spent quite a lot of this afternoon writing about possible programs.  It will be great if it comes off because we could earn money from it.  Which we need.

Had a talk with Rajan and Giri about Buddha Garden development and I feel everything has untangled a little more.  I’m thinking I can probably go to UK.  Lets see.

Day off? 20190501

It was lovely not having to get up as early as usual, but as usual on a day off I had plenty to do.

One thing that was very good was that Vivek, Rajan and I got together to talk about how to move forward in Buddha Garden.  Once again I felt things were untangling.

We had an enormous thunderstorm and I found myself walking back in the rain for the Visitors Centre where I had to go to get food.  There were lots of branches on the path blown down from the trees.  It was nice to feel the rain and be a bit cooler.  I needed to cover myself during the night!

Pleased 20190430

I spent a lot of today doing this poster and am very pleased with it.  Gradually the flip charts seem to be coming together.  Next job will be to decide how to rewrite the book to link in with the flipcharts.  Moorthy is coming on Monday and hopefully he will be able to help me.

Hot 20190429

Everything is so dry and hot.  Its also very overcast as a cyclone is going through the bay but is not supposed to hit us.