Starting to feel better

Having started on my herbal regime I am starting to feel a lot better.  I actually had a proper meal today and although I still feel pretty tired and drained I can feel little uplifts of energy now and then.

Still got that sick feeling

Have not had a very nice day as I still don't feel very well.  My stomach feels all cramped up and I feel so tired with no energy.  I don't feel like eating and am keeping myself going with ragi porridge.

If it is no better tomorrow I will have to go and see the doctor as nothing seems to be changing.  I hate not being able to eat!

In third gear

Yesterday I saw my friend Jeff and he said he felt as if he was moving along in third gear.  I know just how he feels as I seem to have been stricken down again with the stomach bug.  I say 'the' stomach bug as a lot of people seem to be suffering with it and it seems to come and go.

I was up all night with it on Thursday and had a difficult day yesterday as somehow I had a lot to do and was not feeling great.  Today I feel absolutely exhausted; the diarrhoea continues, my stomach is sore and I just want to sleep all the time.  I don't feel like doing anything.

I just wish I felt better and wanted to eat, but I don't.  Everything is very grey.  I think this picture says it all!

Cashews all finished

Today we finished weeding, composting and then mulching all the cashew trees.  It seems to have taken ages - I don't know why - although I am very glad the job is completed because most of the volunteers will be leaving over the weekend.  Its also done well in time for the monsoon which we hope will come in about three weeks time.

I wanted to take a picture that was close to the tree and the sun shining through the leaves.  I went out at sunset but the sun wasn't quite strong enough to shine through the leaves and in any case went in about five minutes after I started taking photos.

The picture reminds me of all the hard work we did and the great sense of satisfaction I feel at the work being finished.  Its also nice to know that we won't have to do it again until this time next year.

A very creative mandala

Had the very large group of students in Buddha Garden this morning.  They spent just over an hour working and then I got them to make mandalas in various parts of Buddha Garden.

All the students seemed to enjoy doing the mandalas and there were some very good ones.  I particularly liked this one because I thought it was the most inventive, it being made on an upright frame that happened to be leaning against a tree.  Everyone else had made them on the ground.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, both the doing of it and the end results.

Peaceful

After the recent storms the weather has turned bright and sunny, if rather humid, which seems to reflect a peacefulness in the atmosphere that I have tried to express in this picture.

I had 58 students come to work in the garden today which took some organising.  I split them up into four groups and they all did different jobs.  Unlike last year, the students were focused and there was a really lovely atmosphere around the work they were doing.  Even the breakfast arriving late didn't seem to faze anyone although poor Sivakala got a bit worried about whether she would be able to get everything ready in time.  She did of course.

This afternoon Vivek and I also went to the bhoomi vayu area and discussed how we are going to plant the new fruit trees.  I feel that many new things are starting to grow on many levels.

Hugs all round

Sundays I often feel very lonely.  I don't speak to many people and although I don't mind being on my own it is often the time when I miss my daughters and grandchildren the most.  Today I saw this picture which a friend had posted on Facebook and it touched something inside me related to that feeling of loneliness.

This picture  reminds me that love is inside me and there doesn't need to be anyone 'out there' for me to access it. It also reminds me that if I can be in harmony within myself that is the best way I can keep myself healthy and happy.

Fierce storm

Yesterday we had a very short but very fierce storm.  It seemed to blow out of nowhere, starting with a strong wind that brought dark grey skies and then rain that tossed everything around.  Lesley, who had left the windows open in her room in Arka, got completely flooded.

In the picture I have tried do express the way the colours all seemed to get very dark and tossed around by the wind.  Somehow I don't think I've quite expressed how fierce it was. 

Making the wind visible

Today I went out to lunch with Lesley and sat waiting for her in the Morgan cafe at the Town Hall where they are having a film festival.  As part of the festival there are all sorts of installations and one of them consisted of a line to which old video tapes had been tied.  It was quite windy and I loved watching them as they danced against the sky in the wind, glinting in the sun.

It seemed to me that in the shapes they were making the wind became visible. 

Sun after rain

This afternoon, just around sunset we had a short shower, after which the sunlight on the trees seemed particularly bright and sparkling.  I went and got my camera and took this picture from Pierre's terrace.

I was very lucky to get it, for just as I came down the sun went behind a cloud and everything was normal colours again.  

I was very happy that this time I had taken the moment.

Love my new wifi

This last weekend we installed the new wifi system in my house.  We have been put in a very difficult position because it is clear that our telephone cable is not going to last much longer - we are down to the last pair connection - and getting a new cable will be very difficult.  BSNL will not take responsibility because they say it was put in by the Auroville Telephone service and if we try to do it ourselves we risk problems from the village because it has to go under the road.  We therefore decided to get a Wi Max system which delivers the internet via a special wireless signal.

Its wonderful!  Not as fast as in the UK but fast enough for a skype connection so that I can see Sam.  Problem is that at the moment the antenna is at the top of a metal pole tied to the corner of my house.  I'm a bit afraid that it will attract lightening as we are having a lot of storms at the moment.  We have decided to put the antennae on the nearby water tank which is much taller and so we could theoretically get a better signal and it won't attract the lightening like a metal pole.  We are waiting to borrow a very long ladder  from the solar people so we can get to the top of the tank.

As I write this I can hear thunder and I just hope the storm won't come too near.....

Reaching to the sun

Its been a beautiful day today with the blue skies, a little cloud and sun.  After the rain everything looks very sparkly and there is a lot of green everywhere.  As I walked around outside I could feel myself reaching towards the sun and reveling in how fecund everything feels.

This is what I tried to express in the picture.

Sick to the bottom of my stomach

Last night I spent a lot of the night being sick.  It started just after I ate my supper and then continued until the early hours.  It didn't feel, however, as if I had got a bug, or even as if I had eaten something that didn't agree with me.  It felt like a clearing out especially as I have had a very stuffed up nose over the last day or two and after being sick this felt a lot better.

I wonder if it is related to some of the stuff going on in Auroville.  Pierre reminded me that when I was talking about a particular group of people I actually said 'Their attitude of spiritual arrogance makes me sick to the stomach.'  There is also a very controversial proposal being discussed at the moment about land exchange.  I have purposely not got too involved with it because its a subject about which I have strong feelings that I cannot explain very well and I feel don't resonate with many other people here.  But maybe it is affecting me anyway.

Is the energy of these things really strong enough to make me sick?  And if the sickness is a clearing out (which is what it feels like) what is it within myself that is being cleared out?

Un-centred and un-settled

Yesterday I overdid things starting with my yoga class which was taken by Tatiana rather than Angela.  I don't respond well to Tatiana who seemed to go too quickly and push too hard so I didn't feel very centred.  Afterwards I continued to push myself to get some things done before I went to bed.  Perhaps not surprisingly I woke up with a sore mouth and the start of a cold.

With all that I didn't have time to do a picture yesterday so I decided to do two today, both of which were taken during work this morning which I have found very healing.  The first picture is of five beds which we have got ready for planting in the last week.

If there had been something to plant in the nursery they would all have been planted as well.  At least two of the beds will be planted with sweet potato and we have arranged to get the cuttings next week.

The second picture is of the first cashew that we have pruned and mulched this year.

Each volunteer is going to take one tree, and in pairs they are going to compost and mulch them when they feel like doing it.  I am expecting that all the trees will be completed before the end of next week.

Who?

This happens sometimes.  I sit down, start drawing and something just comes!  This is what happened tonight and within a few minutes I had the above picture which for me has an energy that was worth preserving.

Who is she?  No idea although I suppose it has to be an aspect of myself.

She looks to me a bit like a witch. Or someone very bossy.....

Ganesh again

I was thinking about what I did yesterday and how I really didn't like it and what I could have done differently.  Then I remembered that I have a Ganesha of my own.  He is very small (about the size of my thumb) and he stands in the corner of my covered desk behind my computer.  He has a shiny trunk because I often hold him when I am thinking and rub his trunk.

I took a picture and then combined this with the background I used yesterday.  I don't think I have quite got the hang of using images from a photo but I am much happier than yesterday about my picture today.

Ganesha's birthday

Today was Ganesh's birthday, Ganesh being the name of the Elephant god who overcomes's obstacles.  We were quite unusual as we worked this morning.  There is so much work I didn't think we could afford to take a day off as it would put us even further behind.  A lot of places in Auroville were closed so not much was happening anywhere and it was very quiet.  After being alone most of yesterday I was alone again most of today and at times felt quite lonely.

I tried several times to create a suitable picture and this was the best I could do!  Not very good, but nothing seemed to gel.  I felt I was lacking inspiration and although I tried several different things nothing really came together.

It reminds me of a birthday card although I think it would be better if the yellow was all sparkly.

A moment of transition

This is a picture of a piece of land that we are going to call 'Bhoomi Vayu' which means in Sanskrit 'Field of air'.  This relating to the wind turbine which is just beside it which uses wind to make electricity.  The picture is of the land cleared ready to be planted.   

I realise that I rarely take pictures of land in this transitional state between (in this case) a piece of wild and overgrown land and then a piece under cultivation. Usually it is a picture of one or the other. 

I also took a picture of the back field where the fence was being taken down prior to digging out a pond and some terraces.

  

In this case the land has been more cultivated, first with rice and then a number of other things that didn't grow because the area floods in the monsoon.  By digging the pond we hope to create a place for all the water when it comes and the earth will be used to make terraces which will keep plants permanently above the water.  

I feel we are creating something on this land that responds to what the land wants to do (flood during the monsoon) but which will also allow us to grow things there.

Torrential thunder storms

Over the last twenty four hours we have had several thunder storms and torrential rain.  Although we expect thunder storms at this time of year these seem to be particularly strong and fierce.

I wonder if I should have somehow added some green to this picture as this sort of rain makes the weeds grow very quickly.

In the kitchen garden

We had our first evening session in the kitchen garden and there was a lovely atmosphere.  These two volunteers said they liked the quirkiness of it and that it was a much smaller place.

I have been feeling quite stressed by the fact that Pierre wants to expand the kitchen garden out towards the forest area.  I feel this area is rather out on a limb and very open to goats and cows although Pierre says that the fence would be good enough to keep them out.

What I find really difficult is that I feel we are only just managing to keep up with the work with what we have, even in the kitchen garden which is very overgrown.  I don't think we have the capacity to take on any more at the moment and I don't want to spread ourselves too thinly.  I would rather do a really good job on a small place than a not very good one on a much larger area.

We talked and discussed other options.  Fortunately Pierre does listen so we will have to wait and see what transpires.

A butterfly blessing

Pierre and I were talking after breakfast about consciousness and difficult it is to change.  As we talked a butterfly came and it was like a blessing.

Very beautiful.

Butterflies around me as I worked

We did an extra session in the garden this afternoon when we worked on the fruit patch.  Volunteers cut the glyricidea while I cut the grass with the grass cutter.  The picture reminds me of a wonderful moment when the grass cutter disturbed some yellow butterflies that flew around me as I worked.

The only thing it doesn't express very well is the contrast between the noise of the grass cutter with grass being thrown all over the place and the delicate beauty of the butterflies. Yet it was the butterflies that transformed the moment.

Don't know

I don't know where this image came from or what it expresses.

I have been very busy again today with two meetings which have generated quite a lot of work for me to do tomorrow.  The afternoon meeting was at the farm where there has been a lot of conflict.  After quite a tortuous time it was agreed that the mediation could start tomorrow.  

It feels as if a weight has been lifted as during the mediation the participants will not be allowed to contact members of groups to complain.  Instead all complaints will be written down in a book and then dealt with during the mediation meetings.  What a relief not to be at the centre of their bickering and complaints!  

I feel like a very small shoot that has tried to grow under a stone. Suddenly the stone has been lifted and there is all this space and light for it to grow. Perhaps this is what the smile on the face of the woman in the picture is expressing.  Really the picture is just a doodle as I had no idea what I was going to draw until suddenly this image appeared.

Crazy crazy day

Today did not start well.  I didn't watch the volunteers carefully enough, or give a demonstration of what they should do - thinking that they knew - and the basil they picked got covered in soil.  This meant we couldn't give it to the Solar Kitchen as washing the basil makes the leaves go black and they won't accept that.  Also the basil came from different beds and it was really chaotic trying to make sure that it didn't get mixed up so that we could weigh what came from each bed.

After work we went to BSNL (telephone) office in Pondy and that was really chaotic as well.  After we had pushed our way through the queue at the door to get into the office we were  passed around to various people, none of whom could help us.  Eventually, after seeing the supervisor upstairs we managed to get a promise that once we make an application for our new wireless internet system we will get it in three days. The people downstairs were not very happy about that.

 So it has continued all day.

I have managed to keep centred, maybe because as well as accepting the chaos I have also accepted that not very much was going to be achieved today.  Ah well.

New Morning

When I looked out of my window this morning the colours were so sparkling it was as if the world had been made anew.

It reminded me of this song:

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

This is what I tried to express in the picture despite the fact that blackbirds do not live in Tamil Nadu!

I continue to be very grateful for the opportunity to live and work with the land of Auroville.

Meeting with Jeff

Had a long discussion with Jeff today as part of trying to help get Farm group office and meetings into a bit more order.  We talked about a wide range of things while I sat and took notes.  The idea now is that I will create an agenda with a bit more substance to it than we normally get so that everyone knows a bit more about the topics we are going to talk about.

I love the way how in the picture Jeff is sitting back relaxed and talking while I look a lot more tense writing it all down!

I was very aware of the picture at the back on the computer which was of a place on the coast of Australia quite close to where Jeff used to live.  Apparently it is of one of the largest sand islands in the world - one hundred and fifty kl long.  It looked so empty and open and beautiful and was a lovely backdrop to our discussion.