Sun at this time of year

At this time of year, at dawn and at sunset, the sun seems to shimmer with an intensity not seen at other times of the year.  Often there seems to be wisps of blue cloud about and sometimes the sun is hidden behind this hazy cloud.  Yet still it seems to shimmer with intensity.

It is very hard to get shimmering intensity into a picture.

Bittersweet day

Today is Peter's death day and when I went out to a really beautiful morning I could have cried.  I felt that if I wasn't careful I would get completely overwhelmed by what happened 18 years ago.

A group of students came to experience working in the garden and they were really lovely.  They were bright, interested and focused and seemed to really enjoy themselves as well as soaking up everything I had to tell them.

Peter used to be a teacher and I know he would have loved this group.  

My new glass bottle!

I've wanted one of these for quite some time - ever since I realised that the plastic bottle which I have used for carrying my juice around was probably not very good for me.  The plastic went very red and I wasn't sure that some of the plastic chemicals weren't leaching into the drink.  Although there was no peculiar taste or anything like that.

I thought it would be good to have a glass bottle, glass being very inert.  I looked around for one in various places but couldn't find one either for sale or just lying around.  Then today I saw this one in Foodlink that had been bought to be sold for those customers that want milk.  They also provide plastic bottles but they are very difficult to sterilize properly after they have had milk in them.

Sivakala makes me hibiscus juice for lunch and that is the red liquid in the bottle.  It looked lovely when the sun shone through it but I was unable to take a photograph that did it justice.

Amazing how the things I really need turn up in the most unexpected places.

My home

I went to Foodlink farm this evening as I wanted to see how they were getting on.  It was really wonderful as they had managed to plant half the fruit trees and quite a lot of glyricidea as well as doing half of the fence.  I took a lot of pictures but this was the one I really liked.

I think it is something to do with the quality of the light and the shadows,  but I also like the line of palmyra trees.  There is something about it that makes me think of home, which is where my heart is, which is here.

Everything spinning

On Thursday I had a really bad vertigo attack.  I was sitting at my computer in the evening and working very intensively, feeling at times that my eyes were out on stalks.  At one point I looked up and then everything started spinning.  

It was a horrible sensation that made me feel very sick and my stomach churn.  I lay down and the only thing that would stop the spinning was to look at something and not move my head.  My stomach felt bad for a while so that I couldn't eat any supper although eventually the spinning sensation stopped and I felt fine the next morning.

What I have tried to express in the picture is the spinning sensation of everything within my eyes and head and how everything looked rather blurry.

Fortunately everything has been fine since then but I guess if it happens again I will have to go and see someone about it.

Foodlink farm

This is a picture of the four people involved with the starting  Foodlink farm.  The Farm group has had this land for two to three years but nothing has happened - mainly because we don't have proper funds for the well, pump and store room which are the minimum infrastructure needed to start a farm.  Finally Vivek and I thought we should do something just to get some activity going on the land.

The problem is that there is a dispute over the fencing at the other end of the land from where this group are pictured.  The owner of the land next to Auroville land wants the fence two feet inside the Auroville boundary and Auroville is refusing to do this.  It will start a precedent so that every other neighbour will want the same.  The problem is that herds of cows come in which makes it impossible to grow anything.

We therefore decided to make an internal fence around a small area where we are going to plant an orchard. The holes have been dug for the pillars that are lying on the ground and we had the meeting to talk about how we are going to plant the trees.  Since there is no water we will have to have it brought in some how and we want to have different methods of irrigation on show.  Eventually the farm will function as an information hub about farming in Auroville and the bio-region.

Once we have something growing we are going to take people around the land as a way of raising money.  Vivek is also going to do a farm planning course during the first week of January.  I am going to start a blog and eventually put up a website.

No signals coming my way

My internet went off suddenly last Saturday during the very heavy rain and has stayed off ever since then.  Yesterday we went to the Telephone office to get another WiMax system (we need two) and hoped that if there was something wrong with mine we would put up the spare one.

We tried all the things they suggested at the office and nothing worked so then we put up the new system and that didn't work either.  It must be because we are not getting a signal.

Why did it go off so suddenly? And why are we having such problems with our internet when we need it so badly for the work we do?  I have to make sure I have at least two back up systems otherwise I cannot manage to get all my work done.....

Why won't the signals come our way??

bucket full of bugs

While Pierre was weeding a very overgrown bed this morning he came across a large variety of creepy crawlies that he put into the bucket.  

We couldn't decide about the scorpion which was the variety that doesn't have pincers on its tail.  I thought they didn't bite but merely squirted stinky stuff at you, but several people thought they did that and would bite as well.

I love the way that the red bug hitched a ride on the snail to take it right up to the top of the bucket!

Ploughing

Today we had a tractor came in to plough what used to be the wild food garden.  We planted a lot of trees and bushes in 2011 that would have given us food except they got got blown away in the cyclone that came later in the year. 

Since then we have done nothing with the land except plant a few random trees. There were a lot of weeds growing as a result of all the rain which is why we decided to plough. We put pipes up near existing trees so they didn't get uprooted and we cleared as much grass as we could from the soil.

I took quite a few pictures but particularly like this one because of how it shows the red soil and the beautiful straight lines

Spinning

I feel I have dealt with so many different things today - some of them very complicated - as well as seeing a lot of people about a lot of different things. Trying to write stuff up this evening I felt as if everything was spinning.

As the picture shows, things are spinning around me rather than inside me although it is making me feel quite cross eyed.  My head feels rather tense with it all so perhaps I need to let some pressure out.

Or do something completely different like drawing a picture!

Cool season?

This morning I noticed that my jar of coconut oil had solidified.  This signals that the temperature has gone down, but does it mean that the cool season has started?

After all the rain this morning was very misty - usually a sign of the starting of the cool season.  It was also a sunny day with a clear blue sky - another sign.  But it is only mid November and usually the monsoon is expected to last another four weeks until mid December.

We shall have to wait and see what happens......

Depression passing over

Woke up to a lot of rain as a depression passes over.  Its very dark and grey and I should imagine that it is too dark for the solar system to work the pumps should we need them.  Although of course one of the advantages of the rain is that we don't need to water.

As the wind is blowing my room is full of a very fine spray.  I never did get the rest of the windows properly covered with plastic.  So I hope it doesn't last too long although the forecast says it will carry on for the rest of today.

Fortunately I have a good book to read and will lose myself in the adventures of Ankh Morpork!

Meeting

I know this is not a very good picture, but I am tired and this is the best I could manage.  Despite the picture being rough and ready I think it gives a pretty good representation of what I was doing in a meeting this afternoon.  Stirring the shit!

I have been in this group before which is considered one of the most important? influential? in Auroville.  The agenda always consists of a long list of 'problems' or 'issues' that have to be 'solved'.  Problem is, its very difficult for this group to do anything given that it doesn't often have the support of other groups and even when it does, it is actually very difficult - because of how things are organised here - to actually do anything.  

I feel that all we do on these occasions is stir everything up - stirring the shit - and talking as we do about what should happen, what we would like to see happen etc.  Which is usually a complete waste of time and energy. When I was the Farm group representative in this group last time I used to get very upset and frustrated about everything and as the only woman representative I often felt out of step with everyone else.  

Although I didn't get upset today I feel it may be because I have got rather cynical about the whole exercise.  I'm not sure that this is necessarily a better approach although I guess it is probably better for my blood pressure!

Passionate outburst

This is how my head looked earlier today when I had a very passionate outburst in the Farm group office.  We were having a discussion about how the Solar Kitchen wants to get produce from farms cheaper than what it costs to actually produce the food.  Obviously the Solar Kitchen wants to keep food costs down but does so at the expense of the farmers.

I was also annoyed at some of the farmers who are supplying Solar Kitchen and are worried that their biggest customer will not take their produce.  They don't seem to realise that if they are going to take less than it costs to produce their food over a period of time eventually the farm won't be financially viable.  And then they will come to the Farm group with their hands out for money.

I got so cross and exasperated by the fact that neither the Solar Kitchen or some of the farmers will listen to what I am saying.  So then I start to shout and that doesn't get me anywhere because everyone just turns off.  I also frequently get told that 'this is the situation and we have have to put up with it.'

This is supposed to be a place where we have 'new' ways of doing things when in fact the Solar Kitchen is acting like the worst sort of capitalist entrepreneur.  Screwing everyone to get the best possible price.

I feel very passionately that we should be trying to do something different, but I guess this is just one more thing that I will have to acknowledge is not going to happen.  What a disappointment. 

Hazy sun

As I came back from yoga the sun was coming through the haze in a ball of orange.  Unfortunately I haven't managed to capture the way it seemed to glow through the mist.  Maybe I will need another go tomorrow.

I have manged to find another vpn connection that works better and is cheaper than the one I was trying to get to work.  Losing the iPad somehow made me focus on getting something else that actually worked.

Losing the old allowed something new and better in.......

Bye bye iPad

Today I am saying goodbye to my iPad.  I am surprised at how sad I feel - its only an iPad, a thing, for goodness sake.  At times it has irritated me a lot because it won't sync easily with my PC.  My new tablet does that so much better but I am having problems getting it to do everything that the iPad did.  The thing I know I will miss the most is the vpn connection and access to BBC TV.  Already I find though, that I am putting a lot more energy into my other devices to get them to do what I want.  So maybe in the end I will sort it out to my satisfaction.

We really need the money from the iPad now so I can't hang onto it any longer.  I cannot justify having just one device to watch TV.

In the picture the iPad looks happy to be leaving and I think its going to a good home!

Tooth remains

My teeth are in such a state!  I broke one last week which I have had repaired, but today a tooth that broke while I was in the UK has crumbled.  The dentist packed it with some sort of filling which fell out while I was talking today.

In the picture the bits of tooth look like something completely different. More like rocks in the sun.  It reminds me of recent pictures from Mars which some people say show fossilized lizards.

It also reminds me that I am getting old although the dentist seems to think my teeth will be good for another twenty years.  But maybe she was just being polite and hopeful!

My pyramid

This morning I went to help a friend of mine at a sale of stones and jewelery for a shop that is no longer in business.  I was able to get some nice ear rings as Christmas presents and also found myself very attracted to this pyramid which I brought home with me.

I love seeing it on my desk as it seems to concentrate a lot of energy.  I love also the way it reflects the outside on its shiny surface.

I have decided I must get rid of my iPad this weekend as we have completely run out of money. Vivek is arranging a loan but I really feel I must do my bit and I don't need the iPad with all the other electronic gizmos at my disposal.  It means giving up watching BBC TV though as I can't get the VPN line to work on any of my other devices.  Oh well, I'm sure I will get used to living without it.

Perhaps my pyramid will help concentrate my mind to sort out the VPN line.

Distorted

Its been a day when there have been some quite difficult moments. Perhaps the worst was when I found out that I had lost all the notes of this morning's meeting.  I didn't save the file properly and it reverted to an earlier version.   I was really cross as we had had a complicated discussion on the basis of which I am supposed to write an official paper.  Then just as I was trying to deal with this a potential client phoned up.

These moments of tension have been a feature of the whole day.

I was doodling trying to find an image to express today and this woman was the result.  I think it is me and how I get all distorted when I allow my negativity to get the better of me.  I know it doesn't help the situation to get stressed and upset but somehow my emotions take over.

In the end and having tried to write the minutes I don't think they will be as bad as I thought.  Maybe my memory is not as bad as I think!

Letting go of pressure

Last night I was having a dreadful time getting off to sleep.  Yesterday I had found out that I will be going to a difficult meeting once a week, representing the farm group.  When I did the job last time I found it very difficult indeed and ended up getting very burnt out.  

I was hoping that maybe I had learnt how to do it without making myself ill.  But last night I didn't think that was so. As I realised that having agreed to attend these meetings ideas about people and issues churned around in my head stopping me from sleeping.  I was quite despairing about the effect this was going to have on my health.

Then, out of the blue, I had a very strong image of my head being full of holes through which the pressure came out.  It was astounding how within thirty seconds of imagining this my body felt relaxed and very soon after that I was able to go to sleep.

Today the image is very much with me and every time I feel pressure inside me, I just imagine letting go of it through the holes in my head.  I am amazed at how it helps me relax very quickly and hope this is a long term solution for me to let go of pressure inside me.

I cannot get over how powerful this image is for me.

Sun shadows

I noticed the winter sun for the first time today as in the afternoons it is closer to the horizon and shines more directly into my room.

I noticed that it made some lovely patterns on the dead palmyra trees outside my window so that is the picture for today.

Next Friday I start in the FAMC again and hope I will be able to cope with it better than I did last time.

Difficult day

The real monsoon has arrived with grey skies and heavy rain, although not all the time fortunately, with  the rain holding off long enough this morning so that we could work.  After a busy morning everything seemed to go wrong this afternoon.

It started off with the wifi not working properly, which it appeared could have been something to do with the wireless router as much as the WiMax signal.  I fiddled around with it for ages and fear that I might have completely screwed up the whole system.  Rajan came to try and help but couldn't get anything working and says that he will go to BSNL in Pondy tomorrow.

Then while Rajan was in my room he noticed that my new large packet of cashews was covered in ants.  Looking at the packet I saw that it hadn't been sealed properly.  I was SO upset as those cashews are expensive but I didn't know how to get rid of the ants when there is no sun like today.  Fortunately Rajan came to the rescue showing me how to heat up the nuts dry in a pan so that all the ants disappear, although it is a mystery as to where they disappear to.  I didn't see them crawling out of the pan and maybe they got charred with the nuts.

As the picture shows, I was a bit over enthusiastic in my heating. I found that the nuts have a very different and rather nice taste after they have gone through this process.  So it wasn't all bad.

Spotty glasses

I don't often look at myself in the mirror, but was surprised a few days ago to see my glasses looking somewhat diseased with spots of tarnish on them!

These were expensive glasses that I bought when I was in the UK but it is obvious they cannot cope with the conditions here in India.  There is no question of getting another pair, but perhaps when the frames are completely tarnished they will just look as if they are another colour.

Lets hope its not the first step of the frames disintegrating completely!

Very quiet day

Today has been Diwali, the festival of light, and everything has been closed up.  I have had a very quiet day, talking only to three people and one of them was on skype!  Yet on the outside it has been quite noisy with fire crackers going off the whole day although as I write this they are starting to calm down.

I think this picture is like the inside of my head - full of things barely seen or understood.

Delphine

This is a picture of someone I am writing about at the moment called Delphine.

I love the way the picture has given me so many ideas about what she looks like and how she acts.