Decision time 20200131

Our first breakfast of tomato rice and salad where everything except the rice was grown in Buddha Garden.

It seems that the person who is doing the work on my house now has an eye infection.  So it looks as if there will be even more delays….. Have decided that if he hasn’t started the work I will move back as soon as Vivek returns.  I will get the place thoroughly cleaned and sorted out.  I will either leave all the building work (apart from the soakaway which is outside) until I go to the UK or move back for a few days at a time to Vivek’s house when there is work to be done.  

I’ve decided I really can’t hang around any longer as there is so much needs doing which I cannot do easily until I move back.

Too busy 20200130

I feel I am getting further and further behind with all the things that need doing.  Nothing seems to be happening on my house and it doesn’t look as if I will be able to move in even next week.  Although Rajan assures me that the mosquito netting is in the process of getting done.  There is no point in doing the decorating before then so I suppose I will just have to be patient.  I did manage to get the first herbs planted in the new Medicinal garden.  They are fenugreek.

I had a nice conversation with Jane who gave me a birthday treat at the Visitors Centre this morning.  This of course made me late for everything else that needed doing.  Although I have managed to draft two reports for the Enntry Service.

I have felt Shantam a lot today which was lovely.

Oh well 20200129

Another very busy day but I did manage to get an article written.  This morning I had a laugh when they put the rings in the hole for my new soakaway.  They talked about using something similar for volunteers!  And in this picture Rajan does look as if he has spent the night there.

Nothing much happening to the house unless Natarajan is getting on with the mosquito net frames.  Goodness knows how much longer I have to stay here, although Rajan is more relaxed now.  He says he is OK on his own for a bit longer.

My birthday? 20200128

It was my birthday today but it had to be cancelled as after yesterday’s meeting I had a do list of 18 things on it this morning.  Most of which couldn’t be done in front of the computer so I’ve been running around all day sorting out various stuff.

Saw Jocelyn who said I can celebrate her birthday with her on February 9^th if I like.  I think I will do it on Thursday – Peter’s birthday.  We always used to share birthdays.

I love this picture which a relative sent of me being very pensive.  We were in a place showing natural woodland and I know I was thinking about the Garden of Unseen Helpers and whether they had any ideas I could use.  Such a pity its still not done although I’ve finished all the posters.

Quite good 20200127

Had a good Buddha Garden meeting today when we all talked together apart from Vivek who has gone back to Delhi.  Its obvious that Rajan is feeling very under pressure and that I need to get back to Buddha Garden as soon as possible.  Perhaps this will stimulate Rajan to push to get the house finished, although I will have to stay here until Vivek gets back, probably next week.

The picture is of our first tomatoes.  The plants really suffered in the rain and morning dew as many of the leaves are now black.  Bahkia wanted to use them to make tomato rice but I think she will have to wait until they are riper.

Sort of quiet day 20200126

After yesterday things have sort of simmered down.  Although it seems that the gate and the locks on the gate are now a bone of contention.  Something else to try and sort out tomorrow I suppose.

The picture is the second of two that I did today based on yesterday’s session.  Unlike other weeks I am still feeling full of sunlight.  Hopefully it will help me tomorrow.

A tempestupous day 20200125

We were meant to have a Buddha Garden lunch team meeting today.  Sufficient to say there was a bad disagreement which led to one person storming off and the meeting being abandoned.  Then another person got upset about an email I sent.  Eventually things simmered down but I feel its been a tempestuous day.  We are still talking to each other which is good.

Before all that I had a very powerful Goshen Tai So session where I felt full of sunlight and sunlight spirals all over my body. Just as well I think and who knows? Perhaps it helped in some way.  I still felt them when I went to bed, which is most unusual.

When everything goes wrong 20200124

When things go wrong there is something very satisfying about still managing to produce food.

At such times I find Buddha Garden something of a sanctuary.  Not as a place to shut myself away but as a place where I can remain in touch with what really matters.

Another bumpy ride 20200123

Had to endure a not very nice meeting this morning.  Sometimes I wonder whether Auroville is really my place, especially in view of what I now want to do.

I took this picture because I loved the colour of the mustard flower.  Which are not very big but seem to shine very brightly.

Not a smoothe ride 20200122

Didn’t go to Buddha Garden but went to Transition school instead and had rather a good time.  Then had a good picture taken for website where Buddha Garden features.  As it’s a good picture I have got permission to use it for future books.  Had a talk with someone about a possible new project if/when I leave Buddha Garden.

Had a difficult time with my artwork when I was trying to create a page for a new version of my student book.  It seemed to take a long time and I somehow managed to delete a file that I was working on.  Despite this I finished both the art page (the picture) as well as the accompanying written page.  It has felt like a difficult journey but am finally pleased with the results.  Think I need to talk about it with someone before I decide whether this is the best way to create the book.

Unbalanced 20200121

This is one of the three papaya trees I saw today that had fallen over because they were top heavy.  Very symbolic of me I feel when my brain goes into overdrive!

The day started off reasonably relaxed but I have gradually got to feel more tense as I have tried to do more and more this afternoon.  I have to find a way of being more balanced.  I was actually wondering if I should try and do a yoga class every day……as at the moment I am finding it hard to do my own practice.

Two birthdays 20200120

Two birthday boys today, my friend Pieter who I saw yesterday and my grandson Sam.  Here he is with his special rosette proclaiming its his birthday.

Had a relatively relaxed day today and feel much better.  Especially after the yoga class.

A good day with good friends 20200119

Didn’t sleep well. A combination of excitement about the wedding and a strong vision for my next book.  Had a really lovely lunch with Pieter and Michael when I felt able to talk about things that I don’t normally talk about with people in Auroville.

Later had another huge insight for a project that I could take up after Buddha Garden.  It feels really exciting.

The picture is of the wedding celebration.  I love that there were things for the children to do which kept them so engaged.  Obviously everyone had a good time.

Wedding day 20200118

Woke up late with legs feeling like jelly, stomach churning and rather dizzy.  Tried to get to Buddha Garden but the universe would not let me!  First the door jammed and then when I did eventually get out I found my bike had a completely flat tyre.  I felt extremely anxious.  Was it the wedding or anxiety about moving forward to new things or just not being able to finish jobs in Buddha Garden because I couldn't get there?  Probably a combination of all of them.  Add to it the hard work I did yesterday sanding and varnishing and the weakened state of my body which I think was all relevant.

Felt better after eating lunch and managed to finish the video.  I went to yoga and then enjoyed all the photos and video clips of the wedding that were sent to me on WhatsApp.

Pongal holiday 20200117

I’ve had this grasshopper around all day.  Apparently it means good luck but also the need to listen and trust my inner voice to help me jump forward.  I was talking to Sathya about the possibility of him coming to Buddha Garden to do art and farming and how much I would like to do the same.  Lets see how things unfold.

I went to Buddha Garden and everything was closed up although there were hoards of people going to Matrimandir even although it was closed to visitors.  I started doing some work on my furniture and sanded and put the first coat of varnish on a table as well as varnishing my om sign.

I came back feeling very tired.  Obviously there is still a limit to the amount of physical work I can do…

I think I will send the grasshopper to Rachael who is getting married tomorrow.

Pongal 20200116

This beautiful Pongal kolam in front of Ganesha was done by Mala.  I love the colours.

Rajan and Sangeeta had a special puja for their house yesterday so they should be moving all their stuff out of my place very soon.  There are quite a few things I want to sort out.

Return of the sun 20200115

First day of the Pongal celebration today which celebrates the return of the sun.  I took this picture of our sunflowers yesterday which I think is very appropriate for the day.  The  flowers vibrate with so much energy.

Went to Transition school so didn’t go to Buddha Garden. Have caught up with a lot of jobs, both domestic and work related, but it has been a fairly relaxing day. 

Seething with ideas 20200114

This is the picture I did based on Saturday’s Goshin Tai So session.  After yoga last night I slept much better and have managed to have a more relaxed day.  Having all afternoon to do the picture helped. 

My mind has been seething with different ideas all day, mostly to do with the embroidery I want to do.  But I’ve also been thinking about what I want to do with my room and how to refurbish the furniture which I will do myself.  Rajan said he will get all his stuff out tomorrow so hopefully I can start on Thursday or Friday.

A new dawn 20200113

Despite a bad night’s sleep and feeling very achy I got up and went to Buddha Garden as I felt I needed the activity there.  I saw this sunrise on the way there.

I was pleased how I managed to look after myself yesterday despite being quite upset at times during the day.  I also didn’t drive myself today so have got to lunch time and still don’t feel overstressed.  I feel I need to build up my strength though.

Have had an idea of what I could do when I leave Buddha Garden, but it needs more thought and discussion.  It stems from the message I got from my Goshin Tai So session – ‘protect my wildness’.

A chaotic day 20200112

Had a truly chaotic day with nearly one hundred students coming for two sessions, one in the morning and the other in the afternoon.  They changed the groups around with the smaller group coming in the morning and the larger in the afternoon.  Apparently they had got the names mixed up!!! This meant we had to divide the groups up and do the activities differently in the afternoon.  I ended up doing the farm tour three times in the hot afternoon, once with two of the groups together.  At the end I was exhausted.

One nice thing was that when I got back to the house I felt it fold around me and I felt myself as I really was.  First time that has happened here when I have felt the house holding me.

When I got back Rachael tried several times to contact me and I was really worried that something was wrong.  But it was to tell me that she has got a job in Bangkok.  She will be going in August.  I am SO pleased and have loads of questions that will just have to wait.  It will be lovely having her a bit closer. I found it very difficult to sleep.

A wild rose inside me 20200111

This week in Goshin Tai So I had wild roses in my heart and eventually all over my body.  They were a very pale pink which Isha said was my psychic being becoming apparent.

Coming clear 20200110

Got to Buddha Garden to find chaos as a group of twenty had turned up expecting an experience and breakfast.  Fortunately Bhakia was able to come in early and I helped her with breakfast.  Chopping up green papaya (a meat tenderiser) tenderised my hands which are now rather sore. In the end I think it all went OK and breakfast was delicious!

Had a really good conversation with Sathya (who is an artist at present living in Buddha Garden) and we talked about the roots of creativity.  A lot of my inspiration comes from Buddha Garden/working with the earth.  So if I leave Buddha Garden I will have to replace that somehow.

One thing I have decided is that I will continue Goshen Tai So on an individual basis.  The weekly Saturday session is getting difficult to manage but I want to continue as amongst a lot of other things it stimulates my creativity. 

Question answered 20200109

A running around day when I don’t think I got very much done, but…. Did the best I could.

Yesterday on the way to Buddha Garden just as I went past Matrimandir I hear this bird singing.  It reminded me of Peter and I felt quite emotional. Later I heard from Lesley who, without being specifically asked, answered my question about whether I should visit the UK for Rachael’s wedding.  ‘Of course you don’t want to come to when its so dark and cold.  We’ll make sure to send you lots of pictures.’  It felt very clear and I now feel much better about not going.

The picture is of an art exhibition at the Town Hall.  The ‘people’ are made with old brushes and represent the variety of people in Auroville.  I loved it.

Not so bad 20200108

I thought it was going to be a really difficult day with a school session in the morning followed by a lunch meeting.  In turned out not so bad and I wonder if this was partly because I spent some time in my room when I didn’t need to work.  Rajan has cleared out quite a lot of his stuff so I can now get to my stuff more easily although I didn’t find what I was looking for unfortunately.  I also went to the school by taxi which made it easier especially as I was carrying quite a lot.

Had a long discussion with Giri about the course on Sunday but still not much clearer about what to do.  I got some good ideas from Rajan about how arrange things in my room.

The picture is of the first orange (kumquat) blossom of the year which is lovely.

In a whirl 20200107

I feel as if I am in a bit of a whirlwind with lots of different things to sort out.  Vivek wasn’t happy with the estimate we got for doing my house so now we are going to get other estimates.  With presumably more delays.  I’ve also had to organize a meeting at short notice and deal with a school trip tomorrow and Rajan taking the day off very suddenly.  He sent me a very confused email about the time he is going to take off etc.  It looks as if he is going to be there for work but you never know…..

This afternoon though I suddenly feel very bored as I don’t have anything to do.  This is when it would be nice to have some embroidery and once Rajan has moved all his stuff out of my room that is something that I will think about starting. Although probably I will get caught up in doing a lot of cleaning and sorting out.  I just know that there are little ant colonies that have set themselves up there!

The picture is of the pond that is rapidly turning into a few puddles.

It just came 20200106

Woke up feeling rather tired and achy despite having the feeling that I slept quite well.  Vivek came to Buddha Garden this morning and he talked a lot with Giri and Rajan.  I went away feeling that Buddha Garden is being taken away from me, but it was not a bad feeling.

I found out that Rachael will not be able to live stream the wedding.  Apparently it is too complicated.  I am quite upset and this morning while cycling to Buddha Garden I wondered about going there to the wedding and making the video myself….

This picture, about Saturday’s session, just came to me in a delightful way.  I loved doing the double helix.

Busy Sunday 20200105

We had a group come today which didn’t start well.  I had an argument with Giri about the sort of food we should have in the kitchen.  He got milk in plastic bags from the local shop to make tea and I said we needed to express our values more and use Auroville milk.  Later after what turned out to be a successful session with the students he said he hadn’t had time to get it.

Managed to finish and upload the videos but feel very tired. I don’t really like working on Sunday and we are supposed to be doing it again next Sunday.  They want two sessions one after the other and as usual Giri agreed to it without discussing it with any of us.  I think it will be far too hot for the students in the afternoon.

A lot went on 20200104

This picture is of the sun in my stomach, experienced during Goshin Tai So.  Together with a lot of other things which I haven’t had time to write up.  I have to do the video today as tomorrow we have got a course on.

I also went to yoga which made feel rather hot.

Another wait 20200103

Rajan’s house is finished and today we talked about getting my house done.  It looks like it will take at least another month because a lot of people want Pongal holidays this time of year.  One option is to get the inside done first so I can move in and then the rest follows on the outside.  I’m not sure this would be better than not moving at all.  Anyway it depends on what workers Joseph can get together.

I’ve decided to look at it as a month when I can do more things to improve my health – like eat well, go to more yoga classes etc. 

We had our first misty morning of the new year.  The picture is of one of the hundreds of spider webs hung with water droplets and that looked really beautiful.

Finished? 20200102

The roof is now on the bathroom which has been painted.  Is the building finished?  There still seem to be little jobs that need doing but Rajan assures me they are all in hand.  He has started doing a deep clean and is planning to move some of his stuff over to the house very soon.  So I suppose it is finished.  I feel we should be having fireworks or something to mark the occasion!

Now we have to make sure the builders don’t run away before they start doing the work on my house.  I’ve arranged a meeting with the builder tomorrow and hope to get an estimate.  Then they can start next week.

I feel much more energetic today.  Maybe the doing nothing day yesterday was what I needed.

Blank day 20200101

Had an extremely boring day today.  Did very little except get lunch and read.  Fortunately I have a good book.

Felt very tired but didn’t want to go to bed all day as I wouldn’t have slept at night.

A very grey nothing type day.

Tired 20191231

Have felt so tired today with my digestive system feeling very out of sorts although no real symptoms of illness.  Its been a grey and humid day and my eyes have not been good either with blepharitis and a certain fuzziness in seeing.

This is a picture of a flower on one of the trees that I pass on my way out to work each day.  However I’m feeling the flower seems to gleam at me.  Maybe I will feel more energetic eventually…… I get the feeling in Buddha Garden that energy is returning as the house building comes to an end and there feels more energy for various different projects.

A glimmer of energy 20191230

I felt a glimmer of energy this morning although I feel tired as I write this at the end of the day. 

The picture is from my window when we had a heavy shower this afternoon.  The monsoon is taking a long time to completely disappear this year.  Meanwhile the atmosphere feels humid and heavy.