Something else

Today is Auroville's birthday and a day when I felt the wind of changes coming to Buddha Garden.  With the consultancy that Vivek is doing with an Indian company there was always the feeling that change would come, but now I think it is really starting.  

 I feel there are some very exciting things coming but I can't see exactly what they are.  This is what I tried to show in the picture.  The sense of something coming as I get on with what I have to do, but not quite sure what it is.

Meeting point

I was doodling around and this picture emerged which is what I see as the ocean meeting the land.

It seems to be relevant for what has been happening today.  I had a long chat with Vivek and it seems that the work he is doing in setting up a farm for a company will have considerable repercussions on Buddha Garden.  For one thing we will have enough money to cover our costs and we will become more of a model farm.  This means that we have to be a lot more conscious about how we grow things here as well as making sure that we don't lose our integrity or our very special way of being.

I think it will have considerable repercussions for me as well.  It looks like it could lead to me going to more conferences and doing other things to spread the word about what we are doing.  Like writing more books and information sheets and probably doing more on the website.

Its funny because today I was considering whether it is time for me to leave Buddha Garden............

A shower from a tree

I was doodling around trying to find an image for today and then I remembered that this morning I got a shower from a tree.  The sky was very blue and the sun was very bright and it was just starting to get hot.  I was standing under a teak tree and there was a little puff of wind which brought down all the dew on the leaves into a cooling shower onto me.

This happened while I was trying to organise the weeding, composting, mulching and planting of a bed.  There were quite a few volunteers but most of them didn't seem to have a clue about working together even although I tried to explain everything and get them to understand how the sequence of jobs and how they were meant to be done.  Many of them were very slow and kept doing jobs in the wrong order.  There was a good energy there but it felt like really hard work as I ran around trying to make sure that everything got done properly. 

The little shower was lovely and felt like the tree was trying to help. 

Yawningly tired

Ended up feeling very tired today with an achey body.  Can't stop yawning while I feel spikes and grey mist around me.

I need a break!

Remembering Dianna

Went to a lovely remembering ritual today, organised by Norman and held in the house where he and Dianna used to live together.  It was really lovely and while I was there I had this really strong sense of Dianna and the freedom she is feeling now.

The picture is what I saw with my inner and outer eye.

Painting

I got my paints out after several months of not using them.  Although I have been really good about doing a picture every day it has been on my iPad and I haven't done any painting or drawing on paper at all.

So today it was really good to take out the paints and make some house signs for the new cabins.  They are made with off cuts of wood and I varnish them first, paint the sign with my acrylic paint and then varnish them again as some protection against the weather.

The physicality of the work was really nice.  Handling the paint brush, smelling the paint with the challenge of painting on something that is quite rough.  Something I don't get on my iPad although I do use my fingers sometimes to make the images.

This is a picture of all my stuff as it actually was.  I'm not sure which is the better picture as although the top one is better arranged this gives a much better appreciation of my work space.

Glowing

I went to yin yoga today and once again came back feeling very stretched.  Ever since I have felt rather sleepy and now I feel as if I am glowing both within and all over my skin.

It is not at all unpleasant as I feel very calm if a little hot.  I hope I will be able to sleep OK although usually I sleep very well after these classes.

I wrote......

Yesterday I was looking through all the pictures that I have done these last three months and it was very interesting.  There are various themes which seem to be emerging and ideas that I could take further in other pictures or publications.  It struck me that doing a little every day might be a good way to try and write a novel.  It is something I have always wanted to do and have started many times.  But there has never been the energy to carry it very far and I get distracted with other sorts of writing that I do much more easily.  I therefore decided that I will write a little every day (500 words only) and see what emerges. 

Maybe it will give me ideas that I can expand on or something that provides the enthusiasm to write more.  I don't know.

I started today and it was very, very hard to get going and it didn't get any easier after I had stated although  I did manage to write the necessary 500.  I wonder what it will feel like tomorrow and if I am still doing it a few months from now.  Unlike the times I have tried in the past it feels doable.  I usually do my pictures in the latter part of the day after lunch, but I think the writing will best be done in the morning. I am interested to see what emerges.

I found the picture worrying in some ways.  Is the grass growing under my feet? (showing that I am stuck and not moving) Or does it show that this new project is the start of a new growth around me?  Hopefully it is the latter.

Moon shadows dancing

Had a lovely Nia dance class today, the last for a week as Sabine and Phillippe are going to Chennai to do the Nia teachers' training.  As I don't have the money or the time I'm not able to do it right now - but maybe sometime..........

As I came back walking through Siddhartha Farm I was without my torch because I had a lent it to a volunteer who needed it to cycle back from the class.  The moon was very bright and there were fantastic moon shadows on the ground.  They seemed to be dancing even although there wasn't very much wind and they weren't moving very much.

There was something very mysterious and magical about it.

Flying money and dancing leaves

I feel punch drunk with tiredness as I write this.  It has been an emotionally exhausting day.

I went straight after work to talk to Theo about my website and after that went to the Town Hall to get some money into my account to pay for my ticket to the UK later this year.  I have managed to find a reasonably cheap one but it had to be paid for before 3.00pm today.  I raced back and did the transfer and was horrified when I checked to see that I had transferred 4lak rupees instead of 40,000!  I immediately phoned Sridhar and the money was returned, but it was an exceptionally uncomfortable few minutes while I waited for it.  

I obviously didn't check properly when I made the transfer.  But why? Was I too distracted?  Too tired?Later I got some cash out of an account for Rajan and it almost blew away when it came out of my bag as I got my keys out.

I think there are two messages here which are somewhat contradictory.  One is that I need to take a bit more care of money and be more conscious about it.  The other is that maybe my money wants to dance a bit more and I should be more carefree with it.  I have been worrying about how expensive it will be going up to Findhorn when I go to the UK and whether I can really afford to go to Eigg and all the other places I would like to visit.  There are creative ways to make it cheaper though - getting a very early train at 6.00am being one of them.  

As I was cycling around today at one point I had leaves dancing around me in the breeze which felt very joyful.  Perhaps I need to find ways to make my money dance for me as well....

Oh! I do love dancing....

After a very full day I wondered whether I would have the energy to do my Nia class.  But I got on my bike and I went and once I got dancing I seemed to receive a lot of energy.  I enjoyed myself such a lot and although I the picture is nothing new it does express how I felt - especially the big smile on my face!

The training starts Thursday and it doesn't look like I will be able to do it.  There were two people at the class today who are going to do it so hopefully one or other of them will keep up with classes when Phillippe and Sabine leave.   I will miss them both when they go - as I do every year.

Surprise sunset

We had a thunder storm today when it rained for about half an hour which is very unusual for this time of year.  Fortunately it didn't come overhead otherwise I would have been very worried about the wind turbine tower being struck by lightening.  I found out later that in Tindivanam, just down the road, there was so much rain that came down so quickly the traffic came to a standstill.  We got just the right amount to soak the soil.

I don't know whether it was because of the storm, but the sunset was amazing.  There was this beautiful light and very intense colours that changed as the sun set.  I was very lucky to get this picture which I took in Buddha Garden as soon as I got back from seeing a friend.  It made me realise that to get a good picture of a sunset you need to be in the right place where a lot of the sky can be seen.  In so many places in Auroville  there are too many trees to see enough of the sky to enjoy the sunrise or sunset.

Earlier in the day I was doing various jobs, one of which was to clean some brass for a sign outside my door.  Rajan told me that the right thing to use for this job was ash, but Amer said that it was better to go to the market to 'get some chemicals'.  Amer explained that when he was in the army they used to have very large brass buckles on their belts which needed a lot of polishing and according to him the chemicals did a wonderful job.

I tried the ash and was surprised at how good it was so decided to try and clean my Buddha.  In the past had tried various things like brasso, but it didn't really bring it to a good polish.  Again the ash worked really well and I think if I do it regularly I might eventually get it to the condition that it was in when I bought it.

I was so pleased with it that I took this picture.

Working together

This morning we had an extra work session where we worked together on one of the new volunteer cabins.  There was a really nice vibe as we all worked together but doing different things, to get the job done.  We managed to build two walls using pakamaran from the original hut.

I really like doing these practical jobs together, but I am constantly aware that such work mustn't take too much energy from growing food - which is the primary task of Buddha Garden.

Dancing and wishing

After a busy week and feeling rather tired I went to a Nia dance class this evening.  I danced myself out of normal reality into something completely different.

It was wonderful.  

I wish I could go to the Nia dance instructors training that Phillippe and Sabine are doing in Chennai next week.  I think I could probably get the days off because it is over a weekend, but I cannot afford the cost of almost one thousand.  Looks like it isn't meant to be.................

Growing sideways

I went to see a friend this afternoon who seems to have lost his way a bit and is quite depressed.  I find it very hard to know the best way of supporting him.  It has been going on for a long time and it feels as if he is really stuck.  I came away feeling rather depressed myself.

On the way back I noticed a tree that had probably been blown down in the cyclone sprouting many new trees along its length.  It was as if, finding that it had been blown down, it had found a new way to grow from the side instead of the normal upright position.

I felt it said something for my friend, but maybe it was also saying something to me.

Buildings rise

Today the building work started again with the delivery of roofing material and cadaper for the floor of what I am going to call the tree house.  Two of Joseph's people finished off the pillars of the house that Pierre was building so that they can start work on the roof.  I do hope that Pierre doesn't mind, although we did agree that the roof work could be done while he is away.  Joseph's people will do the roof but Pierre will do the cadaper floor.

Hopefully the floor and the roof of the tree house will be completed by Saturday so that we can start building the walls and putting in the door.  I am planning to have an extra work session on Saturday morning so we can do this.

Feeling empty

It was a demanding morning with the group of twenty two students coming to work and then doing a session with them after that.  Fortunately Vivek was able to help me with the session.

Had a long chat with Vivek and feel lighter as a result.  But empty as well.

Energy dance

I was so worried last night about what would happen today, but in the end all was well.  The course members didn't turn up until later than expected - about 7.00am because their bus from Bangalore was a bit late.  They then came straight to Buddha Garden and started working.  Not surprisingly by midday they were all feeling rather tired and didn't want to start the session about the elements of food growing.  We will do it tomorrow.  We had three people come for the introductory course and they didn't seem to mind joining in with the larger group.

I was very pleased when Morgane turned up after lunch for my acupuncture session.  I felt that I needed something for myself.  I was very sensitive to the needles this time, especially on my left side.  During the session I had this sense of a core of bright green energy edged with dark red which gradually turned to yellow.  Later in my Nia class I felt these colours again, but moving this time.  

This was a very good experience although I still feel somewhat fragile after all the emotional turmoil of the last day or two.  Vivek has come back but hasn't come to Buddha Garden yet; we have scheduled to meet tomorrow afternoon.

The flowers waved

It has been a very up and down sort of day.  As usual it has been very busy and there were moments when I have felt depressed and down.  At times I felt very disturbed by how cynical I seem to have become.  I guess I also feel rather abandoned what with Pierre leaving yesterday to spend a week in Tiruvannamalai for his birthday, Vivek not due back until lunch time tomorrow and me having to deal with a large group and the Introductory Course tomorrow on my own.  

I seem to be making very heavy weather with all of this which wasn't helped by seeing a friend who is also rather depressed with his situation.

When I left him to return home I walked out of his house and along a path where there was what looked like a high wall of greenery from which hung clouds of bougainvillea flowers of different colours.  As I walked, there came a stiff breeze which made all the bougainvillea flowers move up and down.  It was as if they were all waving at me to encourage me along the path.

It had the right effect and I did feel encouraged.  Perhaps it won't be as bad as I fear tomorrow.  If things get difficult I will visualise the flowers......

The sound of singing

When I came back from my NIA dance class this evening, Nobuku, our Japanese volunteer, was sitting and singing with her guitar.  She has a very high, pure voice which was very beautiful.  As she sang I found my self playing with the colours and eventually creating the above picture.

I loved being the conduit for the transformation of sound into something visual.

Happy with my hairdo!

I feel so tired this evening which I suppose isn't surprising considering all I have done today.  This has included dealing with all the usual things and people as well as fitting in a yoga class and a haircut.  Filling in a form required for our application to be registered as a food producer seemed to take up a lot of time and energy.

It didn't help that I got very exasperated with the form filling as the goal posts kept changing.  First it was one day they were supposed to be in, then another and then suddenly everything was needed one day earlier.  I thought only one photo was needed, but oh no, they wanted three for different parts of the form.  I got cross and agitated about it all but Rajan calmly took the photo I had provided and came back with six copies from the graphics department at the Town Hall.  A very good example I think of the effect of a lifetime of dealing with the Indian bureaucracy!  

I am very glad I took the time to go and have my hair cut.  It had got into a mess growing long and straggly and felt very hot and heavy.  I always enjoy seeing Jo as I always feel listened to.  After having my hair cut we always do a quick session with the cards which is usually very illuminating.  This time I got truth (the Fool), projection (justice) and love (the lovers).  We talked about my grandchildren and how it is possible to connect with them even although we are physically far apart.

Raising the wind turbine tower

Today we raised the wind turbine tower - at last.  The tower has been lying down on the ground waiting to be lifted for a LONG time - almost a year - but finally Jorge and friends came to do it today.  It will have to go down again to have the turbine put on the top and the wiring done, but at least putting it up today proved that it can stand up all right.

This was done after the morning work and went on until close to lunch time when it was extremely hot.  I took this picture about midday and am amazed that it came out so well as usually the light is not very good at the time.  I was surprised by how impressive and beautiful it looked.  I hope that  it works as well as it looks.

Unfortunately the finances for this last step are still not clear.  Pierre said it would cost around Rs15,000 for materials but this did not include the digging for the electricity cable.  Today everyone realised that it would need a lightening conductor which will, according to Pierre, 'only cost Rs2000'.

Stretched

I went to a Yin Yoga class today given by a guest who is staying for two months.  I haven't done this form of yoga before but I felt much more stretched than I usually do in a yoga class.  I did Nia dancing later and my body felt much more flexible than usual.

Worth going to again I think if I can manage to get the time off.  What is nice is that it is in the morning, but not so early that I have a frantic rush to get there after work.  Since it is during the day I can easily cycle there so that saves on taxis which I am finding rather expensive at the moment as I am going out to more classes than usual.

Have just realised that I am being stretched in other ways.  Financially we are very stretched, but hopefully that will sort itself out.  I am also being stretched by Pierre who has now decided that he wants to do a keet roof on the cabin he is building.  I am not at all keen.  He knows nothing about how to do it and I feel we could spend a lot of time and energy (although maybe not so much money in this case) doing a roof that may be not fit for purpose.  I also dread the possibility of it dragging on for months and months like the wind turbine.  I think it would be far more sensible to start with a smaller roof and I think I will suggest to him that he starts with making a wood store.  He has to be able to make the frame and it has to be at the correct pitch otherwise the rain doesn't run off properly and the roof starts to leak.  Then if that is successful he can do a keet roof on the last cabin.

I also worry about who is going to do this work as by the end of March we are unlikely to have very many volunteers.  I am very aware of how much energy is sucked out of the farm work to do this building activity, unless it is done outside work time.  For Pierre that is really difficult because he does so many other things!

Feeling connected

Had a lovely long chat with Emma on Skype and saw Samuel with his eyes open for the first time. It was lovely watching her with Samuel and I felt so connected with him - maybe because I feel so connected with Emma.  At times like this I feel that the physical distance between us doesn't matter so much.

This picture was apparently taken yesterday.  I love the quizzical expression on his face - what IS this thing called 'life'?

Jumping jack me

This whole day I have been badgered by various people wanting to know things.  A succession of visitors and volunteers and having the Introductory course today meant that I spent all morning answering questions as well.

The worst time came over lunch where I felt like a jumping jack constantly going up and down to a succession of people coming to my door.  I finished lunch with a pain in my stomach.  

I was very relieved to leave Buddha Garden and go to my Pilates class.  At least no one was asking me questions there.

Repos

Repos is the name of a beach community in Auroville which has suffered greatly in the last year.  All along the coast the sand on the beaches is disappearing, this because of a new harbour built in Pondy which stops the natural sand flows in the sea.  Sand is taken away from the beaches by currents but because of the harbour can't get back to the beach when the current direction changes.  Pondy has already lost its beach and gradually all the beaches along the coast are eroding.

This process has got worse in recent years and Repos also suffered very badly in the cyclone.  Somehow it seems to have been abandoned by Auroville and Bhaga, who has lived there for years, feels very unsupported.  I went to see her to see what was going on.

We talked for some time about the sort of ambience she is trying to create there and the difficulties of keeping the place financially afloat.  Repos has already lost quite a bit a land from erosion and Bhaga's house is now just about on the beach.  There are various moves afoot to try and deal with the erosion but it is unclear how successful these will be and I think it has to be faced that we may lose more land there.  Nevertheless I feel we should take as good care as we can of the land for as long as it belongs to Auroville.

I have some ideas but I think my next step is to talk to some other people who are involved.

It is a long time since I went to Repos and I didn't like it to the extent that I never went there again.  Now the atmosphere seems to have changed and there were more families and it didn't feel so much like a resort.  It was wonderfully cool with a lovely breeze and I felt very good sitting there.  The picture is of the sand of Repos that was under my feet.

Dancing fire

After a very busy day I went to a NIA dance session, during which danced around a fire giving and receiving.  At one point I felt I was dancing the fire, very much as in the picture.

I was surprised that I coloured my body blue - does that mean that I have learnt to dance fire instead of being consumed by it?

That is far too complicated a question to answer when I feel so tired.  I am ready to drop into bed and then drop off to sleep after a busy day at the end of a busy week.

A misunderstanding?

I got stung by what I think was a hornet.

We made compost this morning and after we had finished I walked over to one of the compost bins to tie the gate on.  Suddenly I was attacked by several insects which looked like hornets, but I suppose could have been bees or wasps.  They flew at me in a straight line one behind the other and the one in front bit me on the knee.  This seemed to be the signal for all the others to then turn around and go back from whence they had come.

I am sure I hadn't disturbed them as they flew out from the compost bin and then attacked me as I walked towards it.  Pierre said he thought that probably they had misunderstood my intentions and bit me as they thought I was going to attack them!  I'm grateful that only one of them bit me, as the bite was quite painful when it happened although it didn't stay red and swollen for very long.