Have
had rather a rough day today and am feeling depressed as I write
this. In one case someone phoned me up about what I think is a
stupid conflict and I just said that I couldn't (more like wouldn't)
help her. I felt that I don't want to waste my time on it as it is
one of those conflicts that has been rumbling on under the surface
for years and years and no one is using it to learn anything about
themselves or the situation. In the second case I said something
that sounded as if I was going to come and take over some farming
that this person has been doing on behalf of the farm group with very
little support. Not surprisingly he was quite upset and I don't
think really believed that this isn't what I want to do. I know I
intimidate people but at the moment I feel really exasperated that I
upset everyone and am not accepted as I am.
I
went shopping in Pondy this morning as I don't want to leave
everything until the last minute as I fear that I may be running
around after David's death certificate. It wasn't too bad and I got
two pairs of chappels for Emma and Rachael as well as a pair of
strong sandals for myself. I think going in the morning was better
than going in the evening and hopefully I will be able to sleep all
right tonight.
I
just hope the depression does not get so bad that it keeps me awake.
I must hang on to the fact that I have tried to do some damage
control of the two situations I provoked this morning and hopefully
that will have helped.........
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