crazy chickens

I am so tired after a three and a half hour meeting this afternoon that I think if I hadn't committed to doing this blog every day, today would be one of the days when I wouldn't do it.

This morning one of the volunteers let all the chickens out of their pen.  For a while it was absolutely crazy with the dogs chasing after the birds and the people chasing after the dogs.  There were squawks and shouts and while everyone ran hither and thither.

I felt really, really upset especially when I realised that the dogs had killed one of the chicks and savaged another chicken so badly it had to be killed.  I have told the volunteers so often to be careful not to let the chickens out.  But one volunteer misunderstood what I said this morning and actually shooed them out of their pen into the garden!

We had to get rid of the dogs by putting them in the store room - quite a job in itself - and eventually the chickens came back to the gate of their pen and we could let them back in.  I could have done without all that kerfuffle.

I tried to draw the chickens but I just don't have the energy for the necessary focus to draw.  I tried to capture the energy I felt with colour and drawing but I don't think I was very successful.

Still, I did manage to do a picture.  Sometimes I just have to accept what I am able to do even if it isn't very good.  Maybe it will open the way for something better tomorrow.

No inspiration

Today, very unexpectedly, I had some time to myself when I was determined to do some art work.  Unfortunately it was a case of having the time but not the inspiration.  I couldn't think of any image that I wanted to create and here I was with all the time in the world to create it.

Infuriating!

Determined to do something I wrote 'No inspiration' and played around with it until I got the above.  I found it very satisfying to do and loved creating the paint splatter effect despite the fact that I did the image without paint on my iPad.

I think this shows me something about my creative cycles.  That I have to take the moment when it comes and not try to get all my jobs done before I feel I can sit down and create something.  On the other hand I find that unless I set aside some regular time - however short - to do some creative work I lose touch with my creative cycles completely.  Unless something comes along which is very insistent to be created.

Doing this blog has been quite a revelation as not only is it helping me keep in touch with my visual self, but it is also showing me how much visual work I am actually doing.  I assume I do mostly writing but I do a lot of things with images as well.  I have been very surprised by how much of my time is spent working with images.

Of course I have the usual problem of focusing more on the images that I am working with for 'work' than for 'expressing'.  It seems some things never change whatever medium I choose to work in.

Wrong weather

Today I have felt very out of kilter.  I have had to travel around Auroville and it has felt like it was the wrong time of the year.  The sky is very blue and the sun is very bright and there is a breeze.

It should be the cool season and yet it isn't because we have two more weeks of the monsoon to go - officially it ends on December 15th.  Looking around I find it very hard to imagine there could be rain, and yet last year's cyclone came right at the end of December when we had already had some weeks of good weather.

So we could get more rain but it doesn't feel as if it is going to happen.  Maybe it was this that was making me feel so uncomfortable as much as it being the 'wrong' weather for the time of year.

The picture is one that a volunteer gave me last year.  It encapsulates very well the blue of the sky and the green of the trees and the sun shining.

Light in unexpected places

Today is Shantam's death day - it must be fifteen years since he died and yet as the anniversary rolls round each year it never loses its intensity for me.

Today has been no exception.  I had a volunteer come in this morning who was 22 weeks pregnant and I felt very connected with her.  We had a long talk and she and her Indian husband are going to start managing an organic farm near Mumbai very soon.  She let me feel her baby and I felt such a connection - with all the unborn babies in the world and of course especially with Emma.

Later on I went into Pondicherry and there were oil lamps everywhere as today is Deepanam when everyone puts oil lamps in front of their houses.  It was beautiful. And then I walked back feeling the intensity of the full moon.

Three points of light on a day when I least expected it.

Nesan

Today it is exactly one year since my friend Nesan from Malaysia died very unexpectedly in a freak car accident.  All day my thoughts have been with him.

This is a picture of when he came to visit me in Buddha Garden.  I think it captures the quiet and thoughtful way in which he worked.  I love his woolly hat!  He came during the cool season and found several of the nights 'very cold' as only a Malaysian from a tropical climate could.

I do miss him.

plans for a new house

Sunday November 25th

I spent a lot of today working with images.  I made a poster for our introductory course and started trying to make a plan of the new house we are going to build in Buddha Garden.  This is a new house for an Aurovilian which we are going to build near the kitchen garden and which Pierre will be the first to use.

I used the artwork software that I had on my iPad and this turned out much harder to use for this purpose than I imagined.  As the above rather wobbly sketch shows.

I found some different software for making engineering drawings which automatically straightens the lines and even calculates the measurements, but even this takes some practice to use.  It is obviously going to take some time for me to do this job properly and will not be something I can dash off in a few minutes.

Would paper and pen be easier?  I am rather tempted to go back to this but feel that although in the beginning it would be easier when it comes to doing all the calculations the new software is better.  So for the time being I will persevere with that and see how I get on.

Recently I have been surprised how much I have been working with images.  I am doing far more than I think, but because it is for work I don't think of it as 'art'.

Dianna's delight

Today I have been very busy putting up all the Buddha Garden posters that I have been making over this last week or so.  The plastic ones are for use outside where it can get wet and explain all about different parts of the garden.  The paper ones on the notice board and provide general information about Buddha Garden.  One of the extra things I did was to make a little notice to go at the back of our recently acquired electric bike.

We call the bike 'Dianna's delight' because it used to belong to my friend Dianna who sadly died in June of this year.  She really loved the bike and often used to talk to me about how good it is how easy to ride and how I ought to have one.  The special thing for me is that it runs on electricity rather than petrol so fits in with our commitment to using renewable energy.  When Dianna was diagnosed with her last illness - a muscle wasting disease - , she had to go back to the UK.  Before she left Auroville she gave the bike to me saying that I could have it for Buddha Garden.

A few weeks ago, when Norman her husband came back to Auroville, we brought the bike to Buddha Garden.  I find it rather large and intimidating compared to my bicycle and have found it hard to ride.  Although I ride my bicycle a lot with this larger bike I don't feel properly in charge.  It feels like it has a mind of its own! Rajan, Vivek and Pierre have no such scruples and really love it.  I see them riding it with evident enjoyment which I feel brings a little of Dianna's energy into Buddha Garden.

Doodling

I am very tired tonight after my usual very heavy Friday after noon meeting.  I was thinking how I didn't have any pictures for today when I looked in one of my iPad apps and found this - done during this afternoon's meeting.  I'd forgotten.  I remember I was very bored and amused myself twiddling around with these colours for a few minutes.

Does it mean anything?  If it does I am too tired to see it!

Flowing

In many ways this has been a very intense day with not only a lot to do but also thinking and talking and dealing with many issues.

Yet there was also a sense of everything flowing which is what I have tried to capture in this picture.  There was complexity and yet a strong feeling that it all fitted together somehow.

Morning sun

This morning the sun was huge red shimmering orb.  What amazed me were the colours of the clouds which, instead of taking their colour from the red and orange of the sun took the blue from the sky.  I couldn't see how they had got that colour and it looked quite surreal as the cloud which had the strongest blue was right in front of the sun.

I think if I have the time I may try to do a different interpretation of this.

the end of the day

Recently with the change in the weather we have had some very colourful sunsets and sunrises.  Over the years I have tried to express what I saw, but it is very difficult either with a camera or other media to capture the essence of it.

The whole sky seems to glow red and the trees look very black by contrast.  If you look carefully it changes moment by moment as day gradually turns to night.  The fact of it being a transition period seems to enhance the richness of the colours.

This was the best I could do tonight.  I feel that having the picture on a screen rather than paper helped the sky to look more glowing, but the sky is never just one colour.  Although when I first look at it I always think it is.

Then and now

Over the weekend I did a lot of posters for our Buddha Garden notice boards and came across this picture of the first vegetable garden that we made.  We had just finished planting all the beds and after all the hard work and wondering whether I was ever going to finish I remember feeling very warm about it.

Today I took a picture of the same garden (which we now call the Souryan garden) from the same place. 

I feel it looks a lot less rickety than in the beginning!  What with the brick raised beds and climbing frames made with metal poles and wire.  We used bamboo poles in the beginning and they had to be changed every six months or so as they got attacked by termites.  Then they would lean over at the most alarming angles when the weight of the plants got to be too much.  The kitchen is now hidden by the neem tree which was about a metre high when the first picture was taken.

I still feel incredibly warm about this garden.  Its the first thing I see when I go out to work in the morning.  I feel it has absorbed a lot of my different energies over the years as well as being a superb teacher.  This is where I learnt to grow healthy food.

this is what I did - Sunday November 18th

I have been working with images all day and these are the posters that I completed today. Phew!

poster

I have spent most of the day making this poster for our notice board.  

I used a software that I have had for some time, but realised that I was using it very differently. With Zam showing me how to use the other graphic software that I have on my iPad more effectively he obviously taught me principles that can be used anywhere.

This is a much more complex poster than I usually make.

Celebrating the garden

                               

                                The fruit patch with all the little trees mulched

Today I felt that I wanted to celebrate the garden.  We have had a goodly number of volunteers recently so the place is looking really beautiful although we still have some beds where there are too many weeds.  I had to laugh when one volunteer who was leaving said she thought it unfortunate that all the beds where she had been weeding had weeds starting to grow again.  I had to explain to her that weeds are like that and the best you can do is keep them manageable, not eradicate them completely.  And in any case weeds are useful as we use them for chicken feed and compost.

This morning we finished cutting all the glyricidea bushes in the fruit patch and using the leaves to mulch all the fruit trees.  Its brought a lot of extra light to the trees which I hope will now be more encouraged to grow.  The glyricidea leaves will provide  nitrogen for the plants when it rains and they start to break down. 

When will it rain?  None on the horizon so far even although it is the middle of the monsoon.  Maybe we will get it all in one week at the end..... 

A place of peacefulness

I was standing outside my house today with my bare feet on the grass.  I had just finished a phone call and suddenly became aware of the sound in the trees and the feeling of the grass under my feet and the sun and sky and the temperature just right.  As I was enjoying the feeling I felt it was a place to peacefulness to which I could always return if I wanted to.

That is what I was trying to capture in this picture.

(This picture was created on my iPad using a new software which is more like painting and with which I feel very comfortable)

Ever present sky

Over the last few days it has felt as if the season is changing.  It feels as if the cool season is here even although we are supposed to have four or more weeks of monsoon weather.  The sun shines very brightly and the sky is very blue and there is no rain at all.

In the picture I was able only to hint at the tracery of the clouds and I couldn't make a convincing image of the sun.  I also realised that the immensity of the sky can only be experienced when it is contrasted with something else.  Hence the Palmyra tree, many of which got rather bent in the cyclone.

The picture gives some idea of what I experienced as I moved around Auroville today.  

a wonderful lesson

I have just had a wonderful lesson with Zam, a volunteer, on how to use my iPad art software properly.  This picture is the result.

Obviously I still have a huge amount to learn, but now the process has been opened out for me I feel I can be a lot more creative.  Things that I have been finding really difficult, and which I thought were a limitation of digital art work, I now find are not limitations at all.  I just needed a tweak in my thinking.

Today is Diwali, the Indian festival of light, and I feel I have been blessed with a lot of light today.  Thank you very very much Zam.

the tempered tree

I was going to my Pilates class this afternoon and passed an area of woodland that hadn't been cleared up after the December cyclone as there were dead trees still lying around everywhere.  One living tree caught my eye as it had several large branches sticking out of it that had obviously died and been bleached by the sun.  The foliage was also rather peculiar as it seemed to surround the remaining branches making the tree rather an odd shape.

Despite the look of the tree it gave off a great feeling of aliveness that encompassed not only the very green leaves, but also the life it had experienced as shown in its dead branches sticking out different angles.  This was a very individual tree that was celebrating its individuality and I really enjoyed that.

nothing

This is a picture about having nothing to picture.

I feel completely devoid of any spark of creativity about anything.  

Maybe my mind is just having a rest.........

listening

This afternoon someone came to talk to me about a difficult situation he is trying to resolve.  He came to me because I am in a particular group concerned with finances and he wanted to pick my brains about financial subjects.

At first I found myself quite irritated.  It was Saturday afternoon and as he explained what was going on I thought that I really didn't want another problem to have to deal with.  This went on for some time when suddenly there seemed to be a switch and I found myself empathising with him and no longer irritated.

How did this change happen?  Looking back, I think it was when I started to really listen and hear what he said.  Before that, as he spoke, I was busy in my own mind with trying to sort things out, to try and solve the problem.  Somehow, when I started listening the whole dynamic changed.  

Maybe its the case with most people that the most important thing is that they feel they are heard.  Once that has happened then problem solving can become more of a collaborative exercise.

at the end of the day....

Just like Kew gardens!

At the moment we have a volunteer in Buddha Garden who is a whizz with the grass cutter.  Not only has he spent extra hours doing this work; he's also adjusted the machine so it works better.

With the recent rain the grass has grown to jungle proportions.  Indian grass in this climate being of the sort that knows how to make the best use of water and grows exceptionally fast once there is any rain.  We don't usually allow volunteers to use the grass cutting machine unless they are experienced in using one.  We find the machine has a tendency to break down when too many people use it, especially when they are inexperienced.  So during wet weather its generally hard to keep the grass looking tidy. 

With this extra help, however, we've even been able to cut around the guava trees as you can see in the picture.  It makes me laugh to see how much my English ideas as to what constitutes 'a garden' are still very much a part of me.  This picture reminds me a lot of how things look in Kew Gardens in London and I like what I see! 

the end of a busy day

Too tired to write or draw.  Just want to go to bed.

Together

This is a picture of 'where we went' - 'we' being Vivek, Pierre and Rajan from Buddha Garden - and the place being Villa Shanthi, a beautifully restored building in the old French part of Puducherry.  We went to celebrate the signing of the contract for the work that Vivek is doing for a client who is setting up a new organic farm.

Eating together like this was a rare opportunity for us to talk away from the practical demands of Buddha Garden.  By the end of the meal I had the sense that not only had we made some really good decisions together, but what was more important, had re-energised the vision that we have for the place.  That we really do share a vision to which we can all say 'yes, that is what we are aiming for'.

Which is a very powerful feeling indeed.

All day running to catch up

These kind of days creep up on me, although maybe I should have known right from the beginning when I woke up later than usual.  Its been the kind of day where I have found myself running around trying to get everything done while more and more comes to me that needs to be done.  Finding I had a dental appointment today rather than Wednesday as I had thought only added to the pressure.

Despite running around all day I haven't felt I have achieved very much, I think because I was dealing with a lot of disparate things.  Although thinking about it, I did get everything I wanted to do done.  Even drawing the picture and writing this blog!

I have a need to feel that I have got things 'done', and have to laugh at the strength of my socialisation that made me this way.  Although I think it must have connected with some of my inner inherent characteristics for it to be still affecting me so strongly.

Square doodle

This is a doodle I did on my iPad which expresses the exact opposite of what has been going on today.  I have had the usual visits from volunteers, phone calls and odd Sunday jobs that need to be done.  A lot of disparate things which together with all the other projects going on in Buddha Garden has made my day feel very bitty and disjointed.

Those squares are so defined and balanced and static.  When my situation is very dynamic with lots of probable changes on the way.  Is this my fear being expressed in these squares as I try to stem the tide of change?  

Intellectually I know it would be much better to jump in and ride the waves and enjoy the excitement.  Emotionally I can't feel the excitement although I am not aware of feeling fearful either.  Maybe I need to just watch what goes on and not get tied up in too much emotion or analysis.

Maybe I just need to enjoy the picture.  I certainly enjoyed doing it and felt a real sense of relaxation as I didn't think about what I was doing, just allowed it to appear on the screen as I moved the pen around.  In this case the joy of the picture was in the doing more than the final achievement. It was a moment when I felt everything come together in what was a very fragmented day.  A moment to savour.

A sense of possibilities

Several times today things came together in a delightful way.  

This morning I went to the Foodlink shop and found not one, but three bunches of bananas all at different parts of the ripening process which means they will last me some time.  The rain has made bananas more difficult to find and these were organically grown which was especially good.  I felt really grateful.

Then in the post office I found that the parcel sent to me by my daughter had arrived this morning.  Someone had managed to get into it and steal one of the special pens, but everything else was intact.  More gratitude for all the things that did arrive safely.

Vivek will be signing a consultancy contract on Monday.  He has been working for sometime with someone who, having made a career in business, now wants to create an organic farm.  The way he wants to farm is very much in tune with the what we do in Buddha Garden and we are looking forward to working together. It feels like a very creative way of sharing our knowledge and experience.

The above image arose from a doodle on my iPad.  Looking at it there are so many shapes and possible things that it could represent and every time I look I see something new.  A sense of possibilities that are always there if we can but see them.

New baby

I feel as if all the energy has been sucked out of me by a meeting which I go to every Friday afternoon.  I feel totally flattened.  

Looking at beautiful Miriam, who was born on Monday, helps to restore my positive sense.  New baby, new energy and a new life cycle just starting.

Balmy day

This is a picture of the sun creeping through my door onto my floor this morning.

Wonderful wonderful sun after the wind and wet of the cyclone.  Which means I can use a bit more electricity if I want to and not have to worry about my batteries giving out.  And enjoy soft gentle warm breezes instead of tearing wind.

At the same time I have felt a lot of disturbance of various sorts within myself and the people I am with.  As if there is an internal cyclone  that is sweeping around and within us.