listening

This afternoon someone came to talk to me about a difficult situation he is trying to resolve.  He came to me because I am in a particular group concerned with finances and he wanted to pick my brains about financial subjects.

At first I found myself quite irritated.  It was Saturday afternoon and as he explained what was going on I thought that I really didn't want another problem to have to deal with.  This went on for some time when suddenly there seemed to be a switch and I found myself empathising with him and no longer irritated.

How did this change happen?  Looking back, I think it was when I started to really listen and hear what he said.  Before that, as he spoke, I was busy in my own mind with trying to sort things out, to try and solve the problem.  Somehow, when I started listening the whole dynamic changed.  

Maybe its the case with most people that the most important thing is that they feel they are heard.  Once that has happened then problem solving can become more of a collaborative exercise.