Do I have to be here?

This is one of the pictures that I found on Sunday which reminded me so much of what happened when I first came to Auroville. Like the other picture I posted two days ago this picture describes what happened when I first came to Auroville although it was painted much later in 2003. It shows what happened when I stood at the entrance to New Creation with Emma and Rachael. It looked really horrible with all the rubbish laying around outside as it was where a lot of the Pondy garbage was dumped so the farmers could use it on their fields. Which was fine when most of the garbage was organic and would make a sort of compost but was a disaster ever since the plastic had been included.

I had come from a beautiful and quiet place in Kodaikanal and here I was at the hot and rubbish strewn entrance to New Creation. I remember looking up and asking the question 'Do I really have to be here?  Is this really my place?' and the answer coming back strong and clear 'Yes you do.  Yes it is'

Today and many days since, I am still asking the same question after a very depressing Farm group meeting this morning. There was such a lot of manipulation going on and no responsibility being taken for group decisions that had been taken. If we aren't willing to take responsibility for and learn from our mistakes how can we ever make things better?  And when there is little or no good will and the discussion is being manipulated on behalf of certain individuals rather than trying to find a solution for everyone involved, how can this be part of what we are supposed to be doing here?

Do I really have to be here?  Of course I know I can leave if I want to, but I could spend the rest of my life looking around for the perfect place to manifest the new consciousness.  Because its not whether its comfortable or not for me to be here that is the issue,  but whether the challenges help me to grow in a positive way.  And if the new consciousness is going to really change anything then it has to be possible for me to access it anywhere so that it doesn't matter where I am.