Lows and highs

We had an amazing work time and managed to get a huge amount of work done. Just after lunch the representative for the new internet connection came and I found out that I had wrongly calculated how much it would cost. The headings on one of the columns was very confusing but I should have been able to work it out from the figures, even although some of them were wrong. I felt that I should have paid more attention to detail.

We talked about various possibilities like having a slower connection, but I have decided that it doesn't matter. The monthly cost of the new connection will be the same as the money I have been paying to Rachael on a monthly basis all through her university career. Now she has a job I don't have to pay it any more so I do have enough money for it.

As there is enough money I will go ahead as planned with the new connection.

While we were going through all this I had to find my Passport as a copy was needed for an ID. I went to the usual place where I keep it and it wasn't there! I found it eventually in my travelling case and I was very relieved indeed. 

Noisy and smelly

Its been one of those days when everything seems to have been out of sorts. The grass cutter won't work and the people who came to make Pierre's roof ran down the electricity batteries with their machines first thing in the morning. Fortunately it has been a sunny day so hopefully there will be enough electricity tonight. Later on the Vodafone rep came and maintained he had got the signal changed so that I can get it in my house. Unfortunately it stopped working while I was talking to Emma on Skype. As I say, nothing seems to have worked properly today.

All this happening to a background of noise and smells from the generator that eventually turned up. At last the new roof is starting to take shape although how long it will take depends on when the rain comes.  

Grass cutting quickly!

Today it was sunny and everything dried up a bit so I felt I had to tackle the grass as quickly as I could. After the rain the grass has grown very quickly and although it was mostly sunny today it is impossible to say how long the dryer weather is going to last. I did some grass cutting during the morning work session and then decided to do some more this afternoon. I think the picture gives the right impression of me racing around going as fast as I can although in actual fact it is impossible to run along with the grass cutting machine and cut grass at the same time.

In the morning when the grass was wet I got covered in bits and even although it was dryer in the afternoon I still got a lot of grass on myself. I felt my legs go green just like in the picture although it is not so bright and much more like ordinary dirt on my skin.

New curtains

Yesterday I finally took delivery of my new curtains for the kitchen area of my room. The first time I confused inches with centimetres and ended up with a doll size pair. Finally I have got them the right size and I am very pleased with them.

Keeping everything crossed!

I had a surprise phone call from a representative of a wireless internet connection company today. It seems that a fast internet line could be installed which, although fairly expensive, would cost considerably less than to have a new cable laid. We have talked to this company before but last time they had all sorts of things that we didn't like such as a three year contract and a high monthly price. They seem to have simplified things a great deal with a much more affordable monthly plan.

I think I will try out a connection just for me and if it is OK and the speeds are what is promised we will see about getting another connection for the office. I am keeping everything crossed that it will work so that I can at last Skype my daughters.

With a friend

Had a lovely meal out in the Visitors Centre cafe with friend Appie. So often I have felt so lonely over the past months. I guess I should cultivate my friends more, but unfortunately its one of the things I often put aside when other concerns seem to take up all of my attention.

Colour for a grey day

After a lovely sunny day yesterday it was again very rainy and grey today. As we had another day's holiday for Diwali I tool the opportunity to do some sewing and the picture shows what I did. All I have to do now is find some plain material on which to mount it. It could do with being ironed as well, but no way can I do it here on our solar system, especially after all the rain which means that the batteries haven't charged up very much.

I feel very pleased with it as it came out a lot better than I thought it would.

Rays of light

I call this picture 'sun over the water' which I took early this Diwali morning. I love the way the sun enables the colourful reflections to be seen. We are still pretty wet and soggy but the day has started with sun although it isn't clear what will happen for the rest of the day as there are a lot of clouds around that might bring rain.

I also loved the way the sun came into my room this morning. An actual ray of light for this Diwali festival of light.

Loosened

Today I went to my first yoga class for over a week as they have been cancelled while Angela had a holiday. Having been sick I was a bit worried about how I would get on. Now I am back home I realise how tense I have been and how yoga has managed to loosen a lot of knots inside myself. My stomach feels a lot better and I feel more grounded. I feel some relaxation at a very deep level.

Have all my problems been caused by my anxiety and resultant tension in my body? Without the yoga I seem to have lost contact with a part of myself – despite the fact that I have felt quite in touch with my body. I have been doing some yoga on my own but it hasn't had the same effect as a class.

I will have to ponder this.

Today we had the first sun for three days – a real treat even although it didn't last that long and more rain came afterwards.

Not so good

After a not very good night I woke up feeling very fragile with pains in my stomach and diahorrea. I try not to get upset about it but my stomach has been so good for so many months and now suddenly it is back to its usual mode of being. It feels as if my colon is inflamed and it responds to the slightest stress with churning and wind. I cannot understand why it has happened now although I feel it may be because of the change in the weather – the recent torrential rain and getting so very wet the other night. But surely it can't be the weather that brings on these things? I like to think I am above all that, but maybe not.

It was raining solidly this morning so we weren't able to do much work. Rajan and I cut spinach in the rain and then everyone else did the cleaning and bagging.

By the end of the day I felt a bit better though very tired. I am boiling all my water, taking my herbs and trying to connect with my positivity and maybe there will be some sun tomorrow.

I realise that I often get this sort of illness at this time of year, so perhaps it is not entirely a fancy to think that it might have been brought on by the rain.

A lot more rain

It started raining in the night and rained solidly until just before lunch. I was so fed up sitting damply inside that I went out to see how the ponds were getting on and found that there was considerable flooding. I was worried that the banks of the front pond might give way.

Kireet, who made the ponds, came to see me and assured me that this was unlikely to happen. He has cunningly designed the landscaping so that extra water has a way of running off so it doesn't all go into the pond and put pressure on the banks. We also talked about how to make spill ways so that more water is kept in the pond that feeds this front pond. Making the spill ways sounds quite simple and we can do it when we have a lot of volunteers during the guest season.

It feels a very grey and soggy day.

Couldn't get out!

Last night I was meant to go and see my friend Appie at the Visitors Centre for a meal and a chat. I got to the gate and it started to pour with rain. Even with an umbrella I was soon soaking wet and it was clear that I was never going to get through the mud on the paths. So I had to return home, dry off and then phone Appie to tell her that I couldn't make it.

This is the first time I have not been able to get our of Buddha Garden when I wanted to.

This morning I took a picture of one of the paths which is just about passable now.

Last night there was a raging torrent across the path and I was surprised that this morning – after a lot more rain last night and early this morning – that it was only this bad.

The other path out is impassable.

The water takes a long time to drain off this path so the puddle right across the path is extremely muddy. According to Rajan there is no easy way around it is so muddy and I could easily slip into the pond.

I definitely have to stay in Buddha Garden for the time being!

This is ridiculous

This morning I was determined to download some stuff onto my computer but as there were rain showers I set up the arrangement in the picture. Rajan got very concerned about the computer in the wet although I had made sure that the umbrella did protect the computer so it didn't get rain on it.

It triggered the considerable frustration I feel and made me quite cross. I know it is not idea but what else am I to do when this is the only way I can download anything? It exasperates me a lot that I have to rely on a variety of dongles which don't work very reliably. I am really sad that I haven't been able to skype my children since I came back to India from the UK so haven't been able to see Sam and how he is growing.

Suddenly it all felt too much to bear.

No resonance no picture

Today I had to deal with two people with whom I feel no resonance. One was someone who lives in the next door farm and tried to make trouble by locking up our pump. The other was someone who wants to get involved in one of our projects but I feel doesn't understand either us or our potential client.

In the first case I have asked the Farm group to make an agreement that this person gets their own pump. In the second I am very clear I do not want to work with this person and I would prefer not to do the project with him. I feel that I am clear of my response to these two people, but I wonder why they turned up today? What do I have to learn from them?

It must be something because a bit later in the day one more such person turned up – someone who wants to feed our dogs extra protein! And keep and eye on the new dog who has taken her stitches out after being speyed. This despite the fact we feed our dogs every day and we have had the vet to the new dog who received an injection but not more stitches because he said they are not necessary.

Maybe its to help me develop more compassion as at the moment such people are just making me feel irritated.

After several days I still do not have a visual expression of this situation.

First rain

Very surprised to get our first proper rain today which is officially the first day of the monsoon. We managed to work dodging in and out of the rain and were very glad to have our newly planted trees watered. The rain seemed to come from nowhere as there has been no build up of clouds or anything like that and was a big surprise when I went out to work this morning.

Great though.

My heart weeps

Today I was in a really horrible Farm group meeting where I was the scapegoat for a lot of the things that have gone wrong in the next door farm. I saw emotional manipulation to grab land as well as manipulation of the group processes to twist a decision that had already been made by the group.

What I did not see was any attempt to bring the highest energy into the situation, but the I could not do it either.

For a long time I did not know what picture would express this situation for me, but I think the above does it very well.

An elephant for Sam

Today I had far more time that I expected and was able to spend the whole afternoon working on Sam's elephant. It has turned out completely different from what I envisaged with a new background material and the elephant being blue rather than red. I am also going to include a butterfly somewhere. I think that the elephant symbolises Ganesh – the overcomer of obstacles – and the butterfly Sam's soul. Ganesh helping Sam to overcome obstacles as he goes through life - but of course I will not be able to tell him that as his father wouldn't approve. So I hope the symbolism will work for him at the pre-literate level.

I started doing some decoration on the elephant but had to take it out three times. I tried with the shiny thread I have bought but it looked dreadful. Then I tried an ordinary embroidery thread but the chain stitch I used looked all wrong. Finally I think I will do the outlining in ordinary back stitch.  

More than I expected

Today I unexpectedly got a lot more done than I expected. I didn't get up particularly early but managed to finish off a lot of admin work and actually managed to get my tax return finished. No mean feat when the encrypted web site was taking a minute or more to load each page – and there were lots of pages.

I did all that work in the office where the internet is better and when I got back to my room started clearing out some papers getting rid of a huge amount of stuff I didn't need. The picture is of my very much reduced in-tray which now has room for my vitamin tablets. In the last two days I have had a very swollen eyelid – blepheritis again that is worse than usual, probably irritated by the recent grass cutting. I usually manage to cure it by washing my eyes but as it is worse than usual this time I thought it wouldn't do any harm to boost my vitamin intake a bit.

This afternoon I did some sewing and although I have been very busy and done quite a lot I don't feel that I have been pushing myself too hard and I don't feel stressed.

First lettuce

Today we finished planting the first lettuce seedlings of this season. After all the problems I have had dealing with Pierre's lettuce project it was a bit of an anti climax. A lot is riding on these very small plants.

I'm still not sure about a lot of things in the project, but we are all talking about it so hopefully we will be able to iron out problems and Pierre will be able to produce what he hopes for.

Woody question

Pierre is having his roof changed from a thatched keet roof to a tiled one. The work is being done by the Housing Service who are using palmyra wood to make the framework for the tiles. They delivered the wood several days ago and left it exposed on the ground where it got very wet from the one good rain we have had recently.

This wood is supposed to be termite and rot proof, but within 48 hours it was covered in termites and it looks as if the wood is rotting. I am very concerned about it although in his usual breezy way Pierre seems to think it will be OK. I know that Palmyra wood is very strong but I also heard that it should not get wet.

So the job for today is to contact Manu who knows about this wood and see what he thinks. The last thing I want is for them to do all the work, only to find in a few years time that it all has to be done again because the wood has rotted.

A place to sit

Today I helped Rajan in the Vayubhoomi orchard and realised there is a lovely sitting place there.

This is the view you get when you sit on the stones.

It is lovely to see how the local fruit trees are managing in an area where there is extremely poor soil and little water retention. It is changing the energy completely.

Full moon

I have had unexpected time to myself today as some people did not turn up for an expected meeting (I got the wrong date) and as we are so well on with the work I decided not to do an extra afternoon work session. Which means that I could go at a slower pace and do a lot of extra little things that I haven't had time for in the last weeks. I am looking forward to getting back to sewing again.

As it is full moon I thought I would use one of Nitish's pictures which captures the majesty of this occasion. I have never managed to capture a picture of the full moon like this.

Something finished

Today we finished planting the forest trees in Jalabhoomi. Once again I found it very difficult indeed to create a picture that does justice the change that has come about because of all our tree planting. After some rain last night the trees we planted last time have all perked up quite a lot and being damp and grey it was ideal conditions for planting the rest of the forest trees.

Planting this bank seemed to make a huge change in how the place felt, so I have used that one. Although at this point the changes are more to do with how the place feels than how the place looks.

Photos

Nitish, a long term volunteer gave me a large file of all the pictures he has been taking in Buddha Garden. Some of them are very good indeed and I particularly like the ones he took of some of the wildlife here.

I like this spider. It reminds me of the time soon after Peter died when it felt as if a spider came and sewed up my broken heart.

Lovely night out

Had a lovely night out with Ashoka before he leaves for Sikkim later this week. He has the possibility of some land there which, with the mountains, might be better for him. He would be able to indulge his other passion which is paragliding.

I cannot see what he sees in it. I would hate to be suspended in the air by a parachute and then to look down and see all that space between me and the ground!

Going green

Managed to finish the grass cutting today. Of course there is always more to do but the grass cutting in the main areas of Buddha Garden is done.

When I was having my shower I noticed that parts of my legs had got very stained from the grass and it took a lot of soap and elbow grease to get them off. It reminded me of when I was a market researcher when we were asked to do some research on a cream that could be rubbed on the thighs to get rid of cellulite. It was a particularly vicious shade of green and we wondered whether it would turn our skin green when we used it. We joked that although our thighs would be green they would be beautifully thin and firm!

Various ways of 'going green' I suppose!

A very young volunteer

This was the youngest volunteer we have had this year – Ricardo from Italy who came with his mother who is wondering about coming to live in Auroville.

He was lovely, soaking up everything around him like a sponge. And of course he reminded me of Sam.

A very special time

Today in the morning we planted trees and I realised what a special time this is. We continued planting trees that we started yesterday afternoon and I was very aware of the changes that we are making to the land. How very special this time is.

Unfortunately the picture looks rather mundane – just a bunch of people planting trees. Yet the time that we spent planting trees on this eroded land won't be repeated. It is not like growing vegetables where there are a lot of regular jobs which happen on the same plot of land. Once the trees are planted it changes the place forever.

It was a very special time in the transformation of this land.

Driving too hard

Was meant to lead a tree planting session this afternoon but sat up rather suddenly after my nap which put me into dizzy mode and feeling very fragile.  I am sure it is because I have been driving myself too hard, especially after this morning which was full of extra jobs.  I think I was also rather dehydrated as I have been very thirsty all afternoon.  It has happened before and I take it as a sign to slow down.

Rajan very kindly led the afternoon work session and they managed to plant 12 date trees along the fence.  I went to have a look and got one of the volunteers to take this picture which I am going to send to Sam.  When Emma asks him 'what is Nanny doing' he answers 'Nanny is planting trees'! Now he can see what it looks like.

I have obviously got to stop pushing myself so hard.  This time it has been all about getting a certain amount of work done before the monsoon starts.  I think the problem is that I feel if I don't do things like lead extra sessions then the work won't get done.  I think that is partly true but now with Rajan helping in the mornings we are getting much more done generally so maybe one extra session will be all that is required.

I do love to do but must have time to be as well.  And driving myself until I come to a standstill is stupid.

As it is

Went to yoga today and although after all the physical work I feel very strong, various bits of my body were hurting during some of the asanas. Yoga often shows me what is really going on and I fear that I may be pushing my body too hard. I feel good doing physical work and can often get carried away with it and lose connection with my physical body.

Coming away though I felt very much that some of the kinks in my body had been straightened out.

A flying rock

During my extra grass cutting session this morning I was hit by a rock between my eyes. Although it hurt at the time there was no bruise, but I couldn't help thinking what does it mean? Is it telling me there is going to be some blinding insight? Or maybe some change in my life? Or is it just telling me that I should wear the shield over my whole face??? the problem with the last one is that when I wear the shield I can't see very well because it all steams up from my breath!

I feel I have worked very hard today what with the grass cutting together with an extra work session in the afternoon. Rajan has started joining us in the morning work today and it made a lot of difference. He keeps and eye on things when I am not there and keeps on moving everything forward.

I feel tired tonight and also feel very satisfied.