The seasonal calendar again

I spent most of this morning creating the third incarnation of our seasonal calendar.  This is after getting feedback from everyone about what should be included.  

After I had finished it I realised how intensely I had been working......

I have sent it off for printing to see what it looks like on paper.  If it is OK then we can put it up on the board and will try selling it.

I get a lovely warm feeling when I look at this picture.

Conceptualizing SSO

I got this idea while cycling yesterday as I was thinking about the poster on sustainability in Buddha Garden that I have got to do for the Findhorn conference.  A way of conceptualizing the extent to which a farm has Sustainable Standards of Operation just seemed to drop into my mind.  It was very vivid.

The circle represents the farm and each of the lines are an aspect of farm operations which I call 'sustainability dimensions'. Other dimensions could be included or the circle could contain fewer items. In fact there might be a 'hierarchy of sustainability' with some dimensions being more basic/important than others. The hierarchy might be different in different climate zones.

In each dimension the line from the centre to the outside of the circle represents the percentage to which that farm is sustainable or not in that dimension. I have assumed that it would be 0% in the middle of the circle and 100% at the circumference.  Ways of measuring sustainablity in each dimension would need to be developed. For instance, for soil it could be determined by how the fertility of the soil is maintained (or not), for water it might be determined by what kind of water system is on the farm.  In each dimension a variety of indicators would be needed which would show the extent to which the operations relating to that dimension were sustainable. If, for example, it was found that a farm's activities with the soil provided 40% sustainability then this could be put on the diagram as shown.

This could then be repeated for each dimension.

When the dots are joined up it provides a very graphic way of showing not only to what extent a farm is sustainable overall but it is immediately obvious which aspects of the farm need further work to make them more sustainable.  

I've just sent the idea off to Vivek to see what he thinks of it.

Almost ready for me

This evening my Nia class was cancelled and so I had time to run round and take pictures of all the new volunteer accommodation which I will use to update the website - hopefully this weekend.  it included the above picture which is the space that used to be the dormitory and which I will move into in the middle of next week.

The work is not going as fast as I had hoped and I think may end up more expensive than planned. Putting up the mosquito netting over all the windows is taking much longer than expected and I have decided to have a new bathroom door as the present one is almost falling apart.  A volunteer got locked in the bathroom by mistake and tried to take the door off the hinges so he could get out.  Fortunately someone came and let him out before he could completely demolish the door but it was badly cracked.

I do think this move around is going to be good though.  The office and meeting room will be together and will be set up so it is a proper professional office where we can invite people.  The volunteers will all be in one section of the place which will hopefully contain all their activities.  Eventually though, there needs to be another house built for either Pierre or myself so that the dormitory can be turned into a professional kitchen.

I think this coming move is the first step towards that.

Another incarnation of the seasonal calendar

I have spent most of the day creating this second version of our seasonal calendar.  I think it is definitely moving in the right direction and will send it to Vivek and Pierre for their feedback.

After a rather restless night I did not feel very well this morning - a combination of the full moon and a bad stomach I think.  Now I feel much better, especially since I have been very quiet today, not going anywhere and having a long sleep this afternoon.  At last my tooth is also feeling better.

Holi cow

This was a dream I had the night before last but have only now got around to drawing and thinking about.  The image I had was of a cow that was standing on a pedestal as if it were a statue - but it wasn't a statue because it blinked its eyes and swished its tail around.  Apart from that it was very still.  Then I saw a small cow (not a calf, an adult cow) and a man sucking on the cow's teats.  Both of them were sucking very hard indeed and both were standing very still like the cow.  I got the feeling that the cow was rooted to the pedestal because of the way the person and the cow were sucking so hard on its teats.

I have been wondering how people may be sucking on me and stopping me from moving forward.  I feel bad about a friend who has asked me, yet again, if he can borrow money which I think is very unlikely to be paid back.  He hasn't paid the last lot back yet and is unlikely to do so.  

Today is Holi, the spring festival which is all about life and movement.  And of course the cow is holy here in India.

First attempt at the calendar

This is my first attempt at making the seasonal calendar.  I found it very hard work and have been doing it for most of the afternoon.  Having been shown how to work with a photoshop type software I am now finding this simpler software too limited.  I think eventually I am going to get a graphic tablet and photoshopto do my artwork and will try to get some help so I can use photoshop software properly.

Looking at what I have done so far, I don't like the straight lines on it - I think it looks too hard.  I now have another idea for doing each of the seasons in a circle... And doubtless I will have other ideas as well.

I'm SO glad to have started doing it though.

Finding a picture

It is SO annoying; my internet has gone off again so any artwork I do on my iPad I can't put on my PC.  I am working on a new poster and would have posted that if I could have got it onto my PC.

As it was I searched my pictures and found this by one of our volunteers called Pia.  It is very beautiful and I hope will help me deal with a tricky situation that I have just been faced with.

A story told

Today I wrote a story for Lucille and co about building the Aldebaran star house for volunteers.  It made me realise that I need to take a lot more pictures of every aspect of the work.

I have been thinking visually a lot today about the posters that I am going to do for the new meeting room.  I would like to do some visual notes on my ipad but as the internet is not working its really difficult to synch everything together.

Flowers for me

Its been a very productive day.  Pierre, Vivek and myself had a meeting this afternoon about Buddha Garden.  As a result I have a very strong sense that we are starting a new and very productive cycle of work.

The picture today is of some flowers that a very sweet volunteer gave me a few days ago.  They have been in my room standing next to Buddha and every time I look at them I feel how lovely it is to have a gift like this to enjoy.

Thank you.

I need a break

I was interviewed today by SAVI the Auroville volunteer service about the education I am providing in Buddha Garden for volunteers.  It was very interesting as its quite hard to explain in words what I am doing - its not just about what I say but about what I embody and provide as a model and inspiration.  Both in terms of the farm and myself.

As I was describing what I do with volunteers I realised I was focusing on all the difficulties - particularly those that I have experienced over the last few months.  It all seemed to revolve around the fact of trying to organise the weighing and processing of the vegetables as well as make sure that the volunteers are all working OK.  Especially as this year the volunteers seem to have been particularly slow and to need a lot of support to get jobs done.

I feel very strongly that I need a break, but cannot see how I can have one given that we are going to be moving around the office and my home the weekend after next.

Annoyingly my internet is not working right now so I can't do a picture on my ipad and get it to my PC.  But I found this picture I took yesterday of the beautiful kumquat blossom which are all over the trees at the moment.  It feels like some sort of antidote to the difficulties and tiredness I am feeling.

Sunrise after the equinox

This morning Pierre asked me for the camera so he could take some pictures of the earth sculpture that they made for the equinox ritual yesterday.  He took this picture of the first dawn after equinox which I really like.  It seems to express the strong feeling I have of a new cycle starting.

I have been thinking a lot about the fiction writing I have been doing - 500 words each day for the last month or so.  I get the feeling it is starting to bear fruit as I am getting all sorts of ideas and how they might hang together to make a story.  But oh! it feels like a very fragile flower and I don't want to do the wrong thing and disturb it so I cut off the creative energy.

Shoes for going places

I have had a very busy day. This has included trips out to Foodlink, a failed yoga class and the dentist.  During work this morning I spent time with a volunteer having a meltdown and there there have been people constantly phoning and coming to see me.  

Today is the Spring equinox and Pierre's friend came to do a ceremony in the kitchen garden and some of the volunteers had a bonfire.  At sunset when these ceremonies happened I didn't want to be with anyone; all I wanted to do was be quiet.

It was a very red sunset and when I came out of the kitchen after getting some water I saw my shoes glowing red.  I went and got my camera, but by then it was too late and the effect had vanished.  I therefore had to enhance the picture on my ipad.  

I love the look of the shoes though - these are shoes for dancing, for moving and going places!

Comparing our tomatoes

Today Pierre brought back from Foodlink a few of what we call 'supermarket tomatoes.' The sort of tomatoes that are all the same size and colour and which will sit on the shelf for a long time because they have thick skins.

I took this picture to compare what they look like.  For anyone eating with their eyes our country tomatoes don't stand a chance.

I am intending to put it on AVNet but I may be too tired to do it now.

Oh! I do love dancing

Went to Nia class tonight and came away with a nice buzzy feeling and also more relaxed and balanced.

I do love dancing and I will be really sorry when Sabine and Phillippe leave at the end of March.

Eventually managed to upload this picture when my internet came back. I couldn't upload the picture from my ipad at first because my internet wasn't working and the other line was incredibly slow.

Fruit of the earth

This morning I took a lot of pictures for the seasonal calendar and decided to make them into a collage.

As I created the picture I realised how productive the garden is at the moment and felt very blessed.

Planning

Today I have been feeling rather scattered.  I got up to do some extra work but only two volunteers were there to help and they could only stay one hour.  I picked a lot of lettuce only to be told by Pierre that Visitors Centre don't want our lettuce any more and needed basil instead.  So I then had to go and pick and clean that.  Then I tried to do some grass cutting and found that we need a new piece of plastic for the bottom of it as it keeps getting stuck and then the string won't come out properly.  Despite all that I managed to cut the grass on half Le Jardin but it was much harder work than usual.

I feel there are a lot of things that I need to do for Buddha Garden but somehow can't get round to doing them.  I managed to do this plan for what will be our Buddha Garden calendar.  The idea is to have a seasonal calender on which a sticker for the year can be put if people want it.  Then it will last much longer than a conventional calendar that you can't get rid of after the end of February.  This is just the plan and now I have to get all the photos together to complete it.

A cooling moment

Its the end of another week, and as the weeks go by I am feeling more and more tired when it gets to this point of the week.  This busy time seems to have been going on for a long time although the end does seem in sight with quite a lot of people leaving over the next week or so.

I went to my Nia class despite the tiredness and when I got to Verite, where it was being held, I found a place to lie down at the top of one of their buildings.  Suddenly there was a lovely puff of wind that - for a minute at least - made me feel deliciously cool and brought some of my energy back.

Looking at the picture though, I think it shows me as being rather tense....

As always dancing helped to bring me to a different perspective of the world and I'm now ready to go again.

Love my tomatoes....

I have been feeling very depressed about our tomatoes which we are finding it almost impossible to sell.  They are what is known as 'country tomatoes' and we collected the seed ourselves.  We grow them because they are a local plant but unfortunately they don't look like supermarket tomatoes so no one wants them.  It is true that they do not sit very comfortably on the shelf for very long but tend to go squishy very quickly.  As a result no one wants them.

Yet I love them and the picture is a tribute to their wonderfully individual qualities, special taste and ability to survive well in this difficult climate.

It is obvious, however, that we will have to process them ourselves and I must think how we are going to do that as we have no money to build anything at the moment.

Forgotten dreams

Two or three times in the last week or so I have woken up knowing that I have dreamed but forgetting completely what the dreams were about.  One night in particular, the night before a difficult meeting, I woke up knowing that I had dreamed very heavily.  And I had the sense that my dreams had been trying to sort something out but hadn't done so.  I felt that all the images had been rubbed out before I had a chance to see them clearly.

This happened again a few nights later.

I realise that 'forgotten dreams' could also mean those dreams I used to have but then gave up because of the pressures of life.  I think I have been blessed beyond measure because I am able to live my dream of doing something in a small way for the earth in Buddha Garden.

The flyover

This is a picture of a recently built bridge on the small path to the temple and Siddharta farm/Buddha Garden.  The building is totally out of proportion to the path and the very small stream over which it goes which only flows at the height of the monsoon.  It is also likely that a lot of earth on the top will just get washed away in heavy rain.  Quite why such a large structure is needed I don't know.  I gather from one of the Panchayat leaders that Government money was used and that 'it had to be built properly'.  Surely that doesn't mean it has to be big enough for a ten ton truck does it?  When one of the taxi drivers called it 'the flyover' I thought that was a very appropriate name for it.

This morning after a very restless night when I dreamed, but couldn't remember anything of my dream content, I felt very tired and out of sorts.  I was very conflicted about whether I should go to this meeting or not about Windarra farm.  I felt I ought to go to help the Farm group rise to challenge of sorting out this problem, but didn't want to get into the situation of stirring shit but not being able to do anything about it.

At one point I felt as if I might die.  Then I remembered that this went back to my struggle to be born and the feeling that I have had all my life that if I am not struggling then I will not live.  When I reminded myself that I do not have to struggle to survive, and that sometimes I can even choose my struggles, I felt much better!

Despite that I was later phoned by the Auroville Council who want Jeff and me to go to their meeting tomorrow to talk about the Windarra situation.  I agreed as it seemed a more positive step than going to the meeting this morning.  In fact this morning's meeting didn't achieve much as too few people turned up.  There was some bad feeling from the not very nice interpersonal bickering that took place and it was decided to talk about the situation at the next proper Farm group meeting.

What am I doing?

A lot of photos get passed around on Facebook and I don't usually take much notice of them, but I really like this one.  I think it strikes a chord, not only because of its simplicity but because it seems to be relevant for something I am thinking about today.

Since I have left the FAMC I have been really pleased not to have to deal with Auroville's myriad 'people problems' of various sorts.  Yet I still seem to be being sucked in to them with people ringing me up wanting to talk about difficult situations they are experiencing and wanting me to comment.  When I do get sucked in, however, it can often have negative consequences for me both emotionally and practically.  So I feel I have to be careful about what I get involved with.

Tomorrow there is going to be a meeting about Windarra farm to discuss the problems they are having there and I am not sure whether to go or not.  On the one hand I think I should be part of the process of trying to find a solution, but on the other hand I do not want to go to a meeting where all the dirty washing will be brought out and discussed with no real resolution.  

So I don't really know what to do.  I think I have to find a way of being constructive without getting sucked into anything that will have negative consequences for me.  What I have been thinking about is not exactly karma, but how the consequences of the actions I take come back to me.

Sun through leaves

Its been a quiet day today and it looks like over the next week or two its going to get even quieter.  Several volunteers are leaving, most of whom won't be replaced by new people.

This picture comes from a glimpse of the sun that was going down behind some trees.  I saw it on the way back after seeing a friend the other side of Auroville.  

I feel the picture captures the essence of what I saw although it wasn't actually like that as I looked at it from some distance away.

Not sleeping

Last night I didn't sleep very well at all and felt rather tired this morning, although I gradually felt more energetic as the day wore on.

The picture is how I felt last night.  I felt as if all the yoga stretching had loosened a network of turquoise netting throughout my body.  Instead of it being smooth and elastic it had unraveled to a certain extent and bits of it had broken and were sticking out of my body. This image was very clear for me.  I think the stretching had unlocked some emotions that I had in my body, although what those emotions were I couldn't name except that they were rather uncomfortable and from a very long way back in my life.

I tossed and turned for a long time and eventually in the early hours of the morning managed to get to sleep. But when I woke up I did not feel very rested.

The Nia dance that I went to this evening seems to have helped the turquoise netting regain its smoothness and elasticity.

Stretched again

I feel like I am glowing!

I went to my yoga class this morning where we did a lot of stretching.  I didn't feel 'pulled stretched', but just let the weight of my body stretch out my muscles and joints.  As a result I am feeling very hot internally and as if I am glowing.  I hope I will be able to sleep tonight as often when my joints and muscles feel like this I find it very difficult.

It is not an altogether unpleasant feeling though.

Letting in and letting go

I have been feeling bad about a friend who, once again as he has done many times over the last few weeks, cancelled our appointment.  

It made me think about how, as I let in the new things that are coming, I also have to let go of the things that are not working for me anymore.

As a result I feel happy and sad - bittersweet I suppose.

A bit more light

Weatherwise today has been a grey day with a depression passing over and fairly perisistent rain coming down for most of the day.  Yet I felt there was more light around today.

There was another meeting - this time of the Vegetable group - which was much lighter than the Farm group meeting yesterday.  I have also officially left the FAMC now so as from today won't be receiving their emails anymore.  I finished off the day with a lovely Nia class with several teachers participating who are on the course that Sabine and Phillippe are doing.

In some ways I am sad about leaving the FAMC because I don't think I achieved much in this group although it took huge amounts of my time and energy and often made me feel quite ill.  I think the problem is that the group has no real authority so even if it comes to a good and considered decision it can't be implemented easily as there is always someone who will oppose it.  I am one of those people who will just go on and on trying to make something work whether it is a relationship or a disfunctional group.  I always feel that if only I had tried a bit harder I could have made it work even when it won't.  Which is stupid as it takes a terrible toll on myself and my health.  I need to move towards doing those things that create a positive energy and I am very, very lucky in that I am in a situation where I can do that.

A foggy experience

We had a Farm group meeting today (for which I took the notes) and I felt as if I was sitting in a fog.  There seemed to be precious little feeling of working together for something that was more than individual wants and desires and few were interested in anything that might have been creatively cutting edge.

When I created this picture I tried several times to draw more people. Then I realised that with just the one person it expressed much more how I felt - mostly out of tune with others and as a result feeling very alone and isolated.

Funny how I always expect that if I live in a community I will automatically feel in tune with everyone who is there.  In fact its not like that at all.  When my expectations are not fulfilled I think I feel even more isolated than I would living in 'the ordinary world' where I would not expect to feel in tune with many people.  

Smiling

Emma sent me lots of pictures of Sam almost smiling - this is the picture nearest to a smile I think.  Apparently he smiles and giggles but it hasn't yet been recorded in a picture.

Just waiting

I went to see a friend today and had the sense, as we sat together, of just waiting.  That there is nothing to do right now except wait for things to come together for Buddha Garden and for me.  Although quite how it is going to happen I don't know.

It was a very peaceful feeling and I think I felt more relaxed than I may appear in the picture.  But maybe not.  I generally find waiting very difficult and can get very tense about it.  The fact that I felt relaxed as I waited was something new for me.

A musical offering

This morning, although it is Saturday, we had an extra session to pick vegetables and get on with finishing the last volunteer cabin.  A couple came into the garden and wanted to work, but as we were only doing the picking it wasn't possible so they said they would walk around instead.  Suddenly I heard this lovely flute music and saw him playing as she danced.

He told me later that he had loved the energy of the garden and I hope this is what inspired him to play.  It felt like an offering to the garden and was such a lovely surprise to start the day.

Coming into view

I feel as if I am in a coloured mist where things are gradually coming into view.

I went to a yoga class and came away feeling somewhat spaced out.  Then we had a very long meeting this afternoon in Buddha Garden where we covered a lot of ground relating to the farm and Vivek's project.  Pierre jumped at Vivek's idea of taking over another piece of land as a kitchen garden while the existing kitchen garden is turned into part of Pryog garden.  I was really pleased.

Pierre is mad keen on getting a windmill that produces water from the air for the new garden.  Its rather controversial concerning whether it works or not, but I'm sure that won't put Pierre off.  Lets hope that its not too expensive.......

I feel very invigorated and it looks like I will be writing more books.